Loving the forbidden

The one who can make it all fade away.

Those nights when you lie down on your bed and you feel like crying, shouting and bursting into tears. When you want to tear off your shirt and bury your face in those hands of yours. His face is not fading even after all you have tried to flush it away. Even though you know he is no good for you, deep inside you feel like there cannot be someone other than him that could, just by hearing their name, double your heart rate. When you come across him in the hallway and you instinctively stop and were you soaked in gasoline you would have blown, for your heart caught fire at the sight of him. That distinct noticeable pain that grows in your throat when you are about to cry, the darkness of your room, the emptiness in your chest and you wonder if you would ever be able to fill in that void he left when he went away.

But you know it is all wrong and that you do not have the right to feel this way or even think of such a  thing between two individuals who are not to fall in love for that is what the law states.

And you start to think that maybe, only maybe, you could be the only exception and that you have the right to feel this way.

And you start crying because you know this cannot be true and that you are only trying to fool yourself.

Despite all the past punishments and warnings, you know you would not be able to restrain yourself if he appeared in front of you and asked you to kiss him.

I would say that I would give everything for it to happen and that is, I think, the main reason I am afraid of my being.

The ease with which I let go of my priorities just to follow my darkest envies is something I fear I cannot change.

Then to help me feel better, I thought of someone else whom I thought would help me forget him. All it did was making me want him more. Fighting it ,opened the scars he left and they became the way in for the memories I wanted to forget.

And I let my mind take me away with that imaginary boy with his golden flawless cellular wrapping over me.

Here looking at him and staring into his big brown eyes.

The slow shutting of his eyelids made it all stop, like the world stopped spinning and all the surrounding sounds were absorbed by him, the time, the air everything added to him.

With my fingers I moved his hair revealing an exquisite arrangement of a little nose sitting on top of pale pink lips sewn to a thin skin I thought would soon burst so much his face became red.

And he smiled and never in the world would I have thought that a smile could be that tremendously beautiful.

A smile that could instantly drown your eyes in tears were you warned that it was the last time you were seeing it.

So smooth that I started to think they were made of marshmallows and if I kissed those lips too hard they would melt.

The likable humidity held by those lips was something I wish everyone in the world could experience at least once but then I realized he was mine and were they to experience it too, they would never ever let go of him like I would never ever let go of him now.

His voice was revealed when he giggled as my lips crawled down his warm and shaking body. He had that childish tone about his voice and he appeared to me to be so fragile and that made me love him more.

With my lower lip to his neck I could feel his vibrating pulse, his heart was beating like that of a rabbit running for its life.

I allowed my tongue to caress his earlobes and allowed my teeth to bite it.

I allowed my lungs to work with my vocal cords and moan as we pleasured each other.

 We were afraid, shaking and we cried, it was what we always wanted and now we had it.

That night we had felt something strong and incomparable and this was because it was all so very forbidden. 

The hard truth is that it is not what we love that is forbidden, it is what is forbidden that we love.