The Struggling Girl

Only the beginning

Sometimes she feels like giving up but you know that's not the best option, sometimes she feels like no ones there for her and its true.She feel left out, sad, she's always depressed always downing herself, she feel like giving up she's had thoughts about not being here no more.no matter how many time she hears " it gets better" she starts doubting it more and more, she feels as if every bad moment that happened was caused by her and the only way for it to be gone is if she is too, but She is still here today cause no matter how bad the situation gets no matter how stressed, depressed, angry,sad,and broke down she is in the inside She always puts a smile on her face just so She won't be asked or ruin anyone's day,She feels as if the only people that are truly here for her will parish away within times pass and the only one that will still be standing trying to fight back through all the covered up scars in the inside and all the misunderstandings she feels. She always seems happy, like her life is fulfilled but she realizes by nights end that she cries herself to sleep, she's so used to being silent but it kills.The deadly battles going on inside her head are the only things distracting her from having her life at risk, and it kills her in the inside but yet she still has a smile like nothing ever happens, life carries on and day by day she learns how to hold it in, always making other people's day by making them laugh but the thing is she gives people what she wish she had.. Happiness, and only one thing gives her that and that's her partner. She's too scared to tell them what's wrong cause of their reaction so she keeps it inside,,it's hard.... It's hard being here it's hard pretending but she still does it, it's hard getting up after you struggle even getting on your knees .... It's hard living life full of glee with no worries to hold back, and as she tries holding back the tears flashbacks go through her head wondering why is she still here,why is she still trying. Most of all why is she still waiting for it to get better, she's holding back all the emotions but the demons inside of her are tearing her apart. SHE TRIES LANDING ON HER BACK WHEN SHE FALLS... Just so she can look back up once more and convince herself she can stand up,
She's just tired. Tired of not showing emotions that strip her of her happiness, this is only the beginning of her life story she still awaits for the times it gets better, she sits in bed wondering when the day will come that she breaks more than the parts that were shattered already, and one day when she lays in the casket her ghostly manner is talking to death itself as he says you are not the first and you will not be the last,a tear runs down her face as she realizes how much she will actually be missed she turns to death and with his one simple touch the happy memories she never remembered come back and make her smile for the first time she looked over the misery of her broken world, then she turns back to her casket looking at herself and saying this is when it got better.
But little did she know that she was only wishing upon this death. She blacked out.. When all her memories start coming back and her vision is cleared she looked down at her wrist as a drip of blood splashes in the water of her shower, a razor is being held. She sets it down and starts to recover exactly what happened, she thought it was over but she is still here.. She thinks of it as a sign but doesn't know exactly what to say about it, if she would have givin up right then and there where would it have gotten her. The razor still sits upon her floor. When it all started coming back to her. She is here because she forces herself to keep trying she knows it's not hard to kill herself her conscious won't let her slip through,the most she can do is wait for when her time has come,she wonders when the dream of her being here no longer will exist, she tries her hardest not to cry but the tears burst out uncontrollably. Blood is thicker than water. She doesn't know what to do with her life , she thinks things will happen as she moves along but little does she know she has to take the right steps,the right path,the right meaning of life to get to where she wants to be, although it will seem to be a never ending story.her pages are turning into chapter, more and more pages get added with ever passing day of her life.shes only on chapter 18 she has a long way to go unless death really does come upon it earlier than expected taking her by surprise.

-still continuing-