Fading Faith

Chapter 1

"Babe!" I could hear his deep raspy voice practically dripping with alcohol carry through the old wooden floors of our small two-story house.

Two years ago after graduation, we moved from our hometown in Missouri to a small suburb on the outskirts in Ohio. Our little yellow house is smaller compared to the surrounding houses on our street but it is a hidden charm in this old town. It took us nearly three weeks to find a house and I fell in love as soon as I stepped through the door.

I spent most of our first summer here planting red, pink, and yellow flowers in the beds out front, which were now overgrown with weeds and littered with brown wilting flowers, and painting the tilting mailbox and trimming the bushes that lined the edge of our yard. The leaning white picket fence, weathered and chipping from the rain and snow, was another promise added to his list of things yet to be fixed.

I gracefully moved along the wooden floors attempting to avoid the creaking sounds from echoing throughout the house. I shifted my weight slightly on top of the floor boards nearest to our bedroom and a creak chorused throughout the house. I had no choice but to answer him now. "Yes dear?" I asked innocently trying to adjust the strength of my voice against my shaking vocal chords.

When no sound came from beneath me I let out an unsteady breath of relief. He probably passed out again on the couch. I swiftly opened the door that led to our bedroom and lay on the worn mattress of our antique wooden bed frame. I could already feel sleep creeping up on me quickly pulling me into an unconscious state, my eyelids drooping down slowly drowning in blackness. 

An overbearingly familiar scent of cheap whiskey and beer surrounded my face and a weight pushed down on my body suffocating me. I abruptly opened my eyes to meet the sleeping face of Ricky, my boyfriend of 4 years. His short brown hair was matted down with sleep and sweat. His tan face was flushed from the alcohol that was radiating off of him. He was tall with wide shoulders, not quite as fit as the high school football player he used to be. 

I ran my hand through his hair and he shifted slightly enough to escape his firm grasp on my waist. I knew better than to wake him after he has been drinking. I peel off my clothes that were clinging to my body with his scent, standing only in my bra and underwear. I grimaced at smell of cheap liquor. A groan came from the bed and I turned in time to meet his crystal blue eyes rimmed with red darkening as his eyes skimmed my body. 

"Hi" I smiled sweetly, not wanting to get on his bad side. The effects of alcohol are probably still coursing through his body. 

His lips curled up into a smirk, "Come here". Without hesitating, I crawled towards him on the bed. He ran his hands up my body finally firmly pulling me closer to him and kissing me fiercely. I could taste beer on his tongue moving viciously with mine. I pulled back and looked at his face seeing the want in his eyes. "Faith" he whispered into my ear as he continued kissing down my neck. A moan escaped my lips and I know that I would still do anything to make him happy. 

~~~~~~~~

I rolled onto my side as Ricky pulled me closer, encircling his arms around my waist. He nuzzled his head into my neck and kissed my shoulder softly. "Ricky?" I attempted to get his attention, not sure if now was the time to talk to him.

"Hmm" He mumbled against my back, his lips brushing against my bare skin.

I shifted so I was facing him and ran my hand down his stubble covered chin. "I love you Ricky and I just--" I stopped; breathing in deeply preparing for his reaction, "--will you stop drinking?". I felt his body tense and his blue eyes ice over.

"Are you suggesting that I have a problem?" I could feel his temper rising and the anger burning in his eyes. He hates when I bring up his drinking habits.

I shook my head trying to avoid another fight, "No, I'm just worried and--".

He interrupted me abruptly leaning in closer towards me. Chills ran down my spine and I felt the color drain from my face. "Don't." He stated firmly with a growl. I gulped and felt the tears burning at the back of my eyes, threatening to fall. I tilted my head down, away from him and averted my eyes to the window across the room. Headlights passing across the window left the shadows dancing on the dark walls and floors. 

He didn't use to be this way. He was fun, loving and carefree, until last year when he lost his dad and brother in a car accident. They were going on their annual summer fishing trip for a week, to a lake and cabin about an hour away. Ricky got sick and decided to come home a few days early, just before a rainstorm came in. The night we got the call, he drank until he was almost drowning in his own vomit and tears. I begged him to talk to me but he never stopped blaming himself. He still does. 

I scooted closer to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, rubbing my hand in small circles on his back. I felt his heavy breathing calm and his rapid heart beat slow down. "I'm sorry" I whispered into his chest. I knew he heard me because his arms moved around my body pulling me closer into him. 

His head moved down to the top of my head and he nestled his nose in my brown hair just as I was about to slip back into the land of dreams, taken over by nightmares, Ricky mumbled, "I'm sorry too".