Overthink

Untitled Part 1

March 7, 2007

Hi, my name is Emma. Me and my mom are having the best time I can have before the surgery I'm gonna have tomorrow. Its actually the first time I'm going to be in a hospital today ever since I was born, and I'm 18. I don't play sports that much, so I don't get fractures or dislocated shoulders. I'm not clumsy either. I'm pretty sharp and alert, so I don't fall and hurt my face or cut my self when helping Mom cook. So I have never been to a hospital since my birth. I guess all things come to an end. I am having a heart transplant because of a condition called Congenital heart disease (whatever that is), and it's very uncommon, so I've heard. It's usually a defect they can detect as soon as a baby is born, but they missed diagnosing me for it. Mom was always concerned about me ever since I started showing more symptoms of this disease since I was 5 (Yeah I know, 5 years old!), but you know. This doctor Job is a hard business to keep up with, I don't blame them. Mom says she loves that about me, I never Jump to anger, and actually, I like that about me too. Mom and I went to see a little movie, got some popcorn, and at the end of all that we got some ice cream at a little shop next to my house that I liked ever since I was a little girl. Eventually we got home, and me and mom talked and talked before the big day I was going to have tomorrow, but I could see that my mom was very worried about me. Of course, having this surgery at this old of age can mean a more of a fatality right. It's a huge miracle that I NEVER went to a hospital. I could have gone into cardiac arrest at some point in my life, but I didn't.

"Mom, it's alright. I'm gonna be fine". I say

"I know honey. I'm just a little scared, it is a mother's job to be worried you know". She says these things, but I still feel bad. I feel like I'm a burden to here right now. We talk for a little while more than I get to bed. It was about 10'oclock when I went up. I look up at the ceiling, thinking what's about to take place tomorrow. I'm really surprised that I'm not worried enough. I mean its surgery, I should be worried out of my mind like a normal person, but I'm not. It just doesn't feel real. I start to feel drowsy and I can feel myself about to fall asleep. I get comfy and........

"AHHH"!!!!!! I wake and try to understand what is going on what happened?

"Where the hell did that scream come from?". I say. I quickly think about mom, and rush out of my room and go to her room. I see her lying on the floor her eyes closed.

"Mom?" There's no answer.

"MOM!" Still, no answer.

I go up to her body and shake her, then see if she's breathing........ and she's not. I panic and try to find the nearest phone to call an ambulance because I don't know what to do, all I can do is to keep telling myself not to worry. I call 911 and they pick up. I tell them about my situation and my address, and they eventually come.

March 8, 2007

It's been about 12 hours since they admitted mom to the hospital. I was admitted About 6 hours after she was because I have the surgery around 4'oclock, so I have to be ready. I got to see mom a few times, and she's ok. They say that she just passed out but......... I don't believe that. If you could've seen her in that ambulance, she turned like a purplish-blue. I don't think she just "passed out". My doctor and a couple of other doctors came into my room, they were very punctual. It was 4'oclcok on the dot when they came to prep me for my surgery. Well..... so I thought. When they came in, they had worried looks on their faces like they were about to tell me somebody died. Then I quickly thought of mom, Did something happen when I left her room?, did she die?, I thought. The doctors started to talk. "Emma, your mom had a heart attack and it affected her heart." They looked straight at my face.

"She can't keep the heart that she has right now, she will die if she doesn't have a heart transplant".

"Ok? What does that have to do with me". I say