Waiting

2 Minutes

His voice was raucous, his breath hoarse. I knew the end was approaching. And I didn’t know how to cope. I couldn’t break down, but holding it together proved it’s self to be a struggle.

"It hurts, Thea" Ollie croaked, faintly.

"I know, baby" I said leaning over the head board, pressing the nurse button provided. "Where does it hurt?

He didn’t answer. The tears rolled down his bony pale cheeks, falling on to the yellow pillows beneath him. I held his hand, but nothing could save my little brother from fate.

"Thea, am I dying?" Ollie asked bravely, his bottom lip quivering like a child.

His question struck a nerve. He was so brave. I choked on the tears threatening to escape. Ollie squeezed my hand comfortingly. "It’s okay to cry, T. I don’t mind. I can’t feel it anymore." He spoke gallantly through his lie, but I could see the fear behind his masquerade.

We were two-of-a-kind, lying to the other to protect each other from pain. But I couldn’t save my baby brother from the inevitable. He was just 6 years old. He had gone through so much more than most kids his age, yet the gods couldn’t reward him with the simple gift of survival?

"Will daddy be waiting for me?" He whispered, the life came back to his pale blue eyes at the thought.

"I’m sure he is, Ollie." I said wiping the tears from my eyes. "I bet daddy is waiting for you in heaven. He’ll be so happy to see you. He’ll take you fishing, you’ll have ice-cream and I bet patch is waiting for you too."

He smiled, his head back against the pillows with eyes shut. For the first time in weeks he smiled, and he meant it. It wasn’t a smile forced through the pain just to give the people around him hope. He was truly happy. Whatever Ollie saw behind his closed eyes gave him joy. A blissful smile he had not shared with anyone other than me for weeks.

"I’ll wait for you, T" Ollie smiled, opening his eyes for a final time he spoke hoarsely. "I’ll wait for you in, heaven."

The machine chimed a hateful monotone hum that echoed against my eardrums. His hand went limp in mine as he took his final breath. His frail body lay lifelessly in the hospital bed, I quickly grew to despise. But his soul was free. I carried on talking to him as he made his journey to heaven. I was sure he’d go to heaven. I sung to him in a whisper that only the two of us could hear.

"Just gonna stand there and watch me burn.

Well that’s alright because I like the way it hurts.

Just gonna stand there and hear me cry,

Well that’s alright because, I love the way you lie"

They say hearing is the last sense to go, so I decided his would go with the lyrics of Ollie’s favourite song. My lips trembled as they formed the words but I would make It through the song, for Ollie.

The doctor came rushing in to the death-stricken roam, two minutes too late. My insides conjured a wild hatred for the doctor. He was too late to let my brother go in peace, without the pain that killed him from the inside until his body was just a lifeless shell. But it was no time for blame. I was ushered out of the crowding room; they hoped to save me from the trauma of seeing the corpse of my baby brother. But nothing could save me from the villainous throbbing of my breaking heart.