Random Unrealistic Stories

Two

     I knocked his front tooth out and he passed out. And died. Whoops.

     After that, me, Alicia, Dani and Jo went to Starbutts to buy coffee and hot chocolate. We sat on a public bench while drinking.

     But there was a problem. Jo was given milk instead of coffee so she barfed on a cat who was walking by because of her lactose intolerance.

     The crazy cat lady got angry so she chased after us. Dani was about to set her on fire with a zippo but then I accidentally let a fart rip so everything exploded.

     I blacked out.

     ***

     I woke up a few minutes later in a sidewalk. The crazy cat lady was passed out. Alicia gave her a Katniss salute and spilled gasoline over her while Dani and Jo flicked open their zippos and threw it on the crazy cat lady.

     We all did the Katniss salute but the crazy cat lady disappeared. Oh well.

     "Buttina, I'm bored," Dani complained as she watched the janitor clean up her puke.

     "Same," me, Alicia and Jo chorused.

     Everything was boring until we saw Nikki Minaj driving a buttpurple Mercedes car.

     I needed to pass gas again so I did but a random hobo accidentally threw an open zippo next to me so everything exploded. This seems to happen a lot lately.

     I blacked out.

     ***

     The hobo was fined for accidentally throwing a zippo and blowing up Nikki Minaj's car. Nikki was furious so she sent him to jail. Poor hobo.

     I walked up to the policemen and knocked all their front teeth out.

     "YOU'RE WELCOME TOOTH FAIRY," I yelled to the sky as I knocked Nikki Minaj's teeth out.

     Alicia, Dani and Jo gasped.

     "It's forbidden to knock a celebrity's teeth out!" Alicia tells me.

     "Oh," I said and looked at Nikki. "Oh well!" I shouted.

     We walked around the mall for a few hours like random hobos until we bumped into some robbers.

     "What is your name?" I asked robber as I stroked his silky hair.

     "Rob," he says and pushed me off.

     His friend grabbed a milk carton and spilled it on us. Jo accidentally swallowed the milk so she barfed on the robbers.

     "Aye that's gross!" Alicia says. She grabs a mop out of thin air and mops the floor and the robber's heads.

     Dani nods. She grabs a hose out of thin air and sprays it all over the floor and the robbers while I put detergent all over them.

     The pukelice came and thanked us for capturing the robbers although we didn't really do much.

     "What do you want in return?" the first pukelice asked.

     "I want to get my butt crack fixed!" I yell.

     "I want Zarry to be oficial!" Alicia shouted.

     "I want unlimited wishes!" Dani demands the pukelice.

     "I want a magical llamacorn!" Jo screamed.

     The pukelice nodded and called Zayn Malik and Harry Styles and commanded them to be oficial, gave a Genie Lamp to Dani and gave a magical llamacorn to Jo but they didn't get my butt fixed.

     "Getting your butt crack fixed is impossible!" the pukelice told me.

     "You're not my mommy!!!!" I screamed and knocked their teeth out.

     I hopped on Jo's llamacorn named Ebola and we flew to the hospital.

     I went up to my toothless doctor and demanded her to get my butt crack fixed. She sighed and fixed the crack.

     I was sooo happy I jumped off a plane with my new bheshties but... the doctor just pretended that my but was fixed and it wasn't actually fixed.

     I was sooo angry that I exploded and blacked out.

     ***

Ahh this was weird XD. There were no spelling errors in this so I did purposely spell it "Assylum".

Dedicated to Dani and Ali for being in this story XD (since I can't do two people dedications, next short is dedicated to Ali :D <3)

And yes, I am a bit of a lactose intolerant 0.0