The Black Phoenix Meets Flashy

---chapter one---

Do you ever have a super vivid dream where something completely insane happens then you wake up and for a split second you think that it actually happened and you have a full-blown panic attack? But then your badass mercenary dad comes into your room and helps you calm down?

Yeah, me too.

Unfortunately this time Jay's completely batshit crazy-ass nightmare actually happened.

Jay was sleeping soundly in her amazing stuff animal-filled bed when this weird blue thing wrapped around her and she fucking disappeared! After traveling through what Jay could only assume was somekind of trippy portal she ended up 50,000 feet off the ground falling through the sky. And despite being rudely woken up to find herself falling to her death, Jay just yawned and stretched. She slid a hair tie off her wrist and used it to put her hair into a ponytail. She lazily positioned her back towards the ground, folded her arms behind her head, and stared up at the sky as if she was laying on Al's old blood-stained couch.

"Well, this was anticlimactic... Ooo, what's that?"

A black duffle bag with purple trim was hurtling towards the ground just as she was. It was too far away for her to grab so with a burst of fire from her feet she was torpedoing towards the bag.

Jay snatches the duffle bag out of the sky and continued flying at a steady altitude. With her free hand she zips open the bag and smiles as she sees it's contents. Her suit, her twin katanas, and her stuffed unicorn. She was confused about how this all got here, and who the hell knew about Captain Sprinkles, but she was just grateful she had all of her precious babys.

Another yawn escaps her lips and with a strong burst of fire she is hurtling through the sky looking for a place to land. Jay scans the skyline and her eyes eventually rest on a fairly tall building with an accessible roof. She extends her free arm and sends out a burst of fire changing her trajectory. However, Jay must have made a miss calculation as she reached the roof much faster than she anticipated.

"ACK!"

The teen slams full force onto the roof. Her leg bends at a very wrong angle and her shoulder pops out of it's socket. The gravel floor of the roof digs into her skin but she pays this no mind. Jay's leg suddenly jerks violently as it twists back into place and she rolls her shoulders with annoyance.

Stupid, fuck! You lost the dam (a/n: get the reference?) bag!

*smack* Shut up, Gary!

You bitch! I'll kill you!

Jay rolls her eyes at their antics and half heartedly glances around the rooftop. Sadly, despite how annoying Gary is, he is right. The duffle bag is no where in sight. Jay groans before standing up and brushing the dust off her Wolverine T-Shirt. 

With a hum, she strokes her chin in thought. "If I was a duffle bag filled with awesome shit where would I go?"

Her brown eyes scan the roof for any sign of the bag. Still nothing.

"Hmm, maybe it went to Taco Bell. . . Oh-oh! I bet it went to Target!" Jay contemplates loudly as she walks (more like skips) the length of the roof.

Look down there, JJ.

Jay obeys the gentler voice and leans over the side of the roof. A big smile spreads across her face as she spots a duffle bag sized hole in the roof of a neighboring Pizza Hut.

"Thanks, Mary!" She exclaims as she quickly vaults herself over the ledge and plummets towards the earth. She lets out a joyous yell as she gracefully falls through the air (Of course, she falls gracefully, who do you think she is? Gwen Stacy?) and pencil dives through the Pizza Hut roof.

Relax, she obviously went through the hole that the duffle bag previously created. Because as much as Jay loves pure mindless vandalism, she would never disrespect a Pizza Hut like that. Only a true monster would ever purposely damage a dining establishment as pristine and awesome as this one.

Jay lands in the restaurant with a soft thud. She stands next to a table on which the duffle bag lays smothering a once beautiful babe. Red is brutally splattered across the table along with chunks of indistinguishable meat.

She almost cried at the sight in front of her. How could she have let this happen? She probably just destroyed the only sliver of light in some poor fat bastards life. Oh, the poor baby she had let be squished by the duffle bag that was in her care.

That poor slaughtered pizza...

A frown etched itself onto Jay's face as she disregards the panicking people around her and gingerly plucks the bag up off the table. Her eyes linger on the heart-wrenching scene in front of her for a moment more before she locks eyes with the woman who appears to be the manager.

"Sorry about the roof," Jay glances somberley back at the spot the bag landed, "and the pizza."

Jay swiftly turns away from the woman and saunters out the main door. 

"Now down to business. Where the ever-loving toast am I?!"