Circle of love

Part II

Part II- THE FUNDAMENTALS OF FORGETTING

I can not stay awake past midnight anymore. My mind runs a million miles an hour thinking of him again. What a tragedy the human race is, to be so terribly unaware of the fundamentals of forgetting.

I pass by the coffee shop again, the one where we had first met. Giggles and secretive smiles, coffee, and tea, the childish butterflies-in-my-stomach feeling. I wished I could say you felt them too, but would I be able to lie to myself?

I refuse to enter the same store where you had purchased my teddy bear from. The foolish exchanges and declarations of love. How was I so blind to not notice the insincerity in your eyes?

I change the radio station as soon as our song comes on. The laughing and the screaming and the off-key singing. Why did I not notice the lyrics blaring of two people never meant to be?

I avoid all the people who are in touch with you. The lame ideas, the jokes, the secrets, the comfort. Would you ask them about me?

I do everything in my power to keep you away from me. The memories, things that I miss, feelings I'd never feel again. I blame myself and ask myself, "What else could I have differently?"

Humans are silly beings. We put all our conscious energy into trying to forget someone, but we don't know how to begin. The fundamentals of forgetting are not a part of the human anatomy, it seems.

Someone walked past me today, rolling his r's the same way you did, and all the efforts that I made in the past few months came crumbling down again. Yesterday, someone was wearing the same flannel that you loved so much, and I stopped dead in my tracks. A month ago, someone in the queue at McDonald's was telling his girlfriend how fries made the world a better place. I walked out without ordering anything. Three months ago, something else might have happened, and I cried myself to sleep. One year, six months and fourteen days ago, you sent me one last text message.

I'm sorry. You deserve better.