03/25/2020
skinny is something i've wanted to be all my life. most girls grow up wanting to be doctors or models but all i've ever wanted was to be skinny. being bestfriends with the girl everyone loves and wants to be doesn't help much. she's everything i ever wanted to be. i go to bed crying and crying every day. my mother wonders why i eat so much. maybe it's out of boredom but really it's all i can do. i want to break down every hour of the day. every minute.
i'm always so tired and upset with the world and myself. maybe if i were smaller it would all go away. it'll all be easier. right? there's nothing i've ever wanted to be more in life than skinny. my friends tell me being skinny isn't fun but that's all i ever wanted. everyone knows people would choose a skinny girl over an overweight girl. everyone wants to or has wanted to be skinny before besides the actual people who are skinny.
'being skinny won't make you happy' they all say. honestly i don't care about my happiness. i want to be able to fit all of the clothes i see on the models and be able to not be everyone's last choice. i've completely given up on the search of happiness. why be happy when i can be pretty right? sure everyone says i'm beautiful just the way i am but am i pretty?
life would be so much easier. honestly i feel my own mother doesn't like the way i look. i want to change it. if not i don't want to be here.
