The song of life

Fairy tale

I look myself in the mirror, seeing every pain.....suffering that I gave to myself. Sometimes it all make no sense to me, why do we want to be alive when nothing around us has a purpose. I sometimes think that people are too self centered to care about someone.. I walk pass them in college and I go unnoticed... Sitting in a class of almost 40 and still feels isolated... I never show them but it hurts... every single day... This is all past to me though.

I know that I ain't gonna make it.... Right now Im in my desk alone, knowing that I can die any day. I know the cancer in me is gonna kill me someday... life became a lot harder as it was before... except now I want to live....  Live every damn second of the remaining breath I got in me. These things sound all great except when you know your life is uncertain everyday becomes a nightmare that you've long forgotten... 

(Chuckles) Maybe life isn't a fairy tale after all, where every dream of yours come true... where there's always a happy ending... where every problem of yours resolve by itself... where everyone either loves you or have sympathy for you. I remember when I was young I was fascinated by these stories..... there music and all. And now like a complete fool I realize how real life works... Life doesn't throw problems when you NOT expect them, it throws problem when you LEAST expected them....

I look myself in mirror....  In sorrow, in sympathy... in anger and agony, thinking what have I done to me. 

I gotta story to tell!

Let's  get over with some boring stuff. I was raised by an old lady, named... (chuckles) Doesn't matter to be honest 'cause she died a year ago and since then I've been living a life as a loner. which means I had to work to earn some cash... I started working on drive thrus... and glad she left something for me though... Now the only characters in this story are Me and you....and some extras you won't really care about... 'cause I didn't. Will you stick with me till the end? Great! Couldn't tell if you said yes or no as of staying with me to the end, but I love to play with my optimism...

"Is everything around me is real or...... it's just something that I've sort of created?"

Every single day I wake up and asked to myself....... that "the life I choose..... Is this what I really wanted?" and the answer always was to me is.... "maybe". Maybe it was all meant to be this way... Me being a total loner.. got no one to talk to except myself and.... 'course YOU! Sometimes I love being alone... I think its the safe way of living life 'cause you got no one to care about... It's just you by yourself...... but sometimes it feels like the end of the world to me... Doctors says that overthinking might cause anxiety and depression..... (chuckles) you know, those magical words every teenage adult love to talk about now a days. Yup! guess Im going through one of these conditions... 'cause when one of these anxiety or depression or... honestly whatever hits me.. it.... it feels like you're on a death bad but... you got no one to say your last thing before you die.   I often felt that everyday... guess you may call it mix of emotions.  At least now I know that everything around me was real.... The only thing that I've created is the world inside my head where everything has a purpose.... including me... hm! that's why it was an imagination.            

And then.... if life wasn't that great...... it just hit another bump in the road...