Dreams

Bad Dream

March 8, 2019

***

I was riding a bike with my friends when we ran into this creeper. He was a younger man, maybe 32 at most, and he was handsome. Some how this dude convinced me I was better off dead. So when I got home I decided that I was going to cut my wrist and bleed myself to death. I slid down the wall and knocked over an empty glass thing with thick glass. It broke and I rolled up my hoodie sleeves with difficulty. I tried to use the pieces to cut myself but they were too wide. I reached to try another and spotted a pocket knife.

At the same time the man appeared in my window and said "I got it for you." He disappeared again.

I picked up the knife and slid it across my skin. The edge bit into my skin with ease and created a thin line from which blood slowly fell. It created a tingling sensation in my wrist. I did it again and again and again really fast before I realized I was going about that all wrong. In my mind I remembered the main arteries ran perpendicular to how I was cutting so I set the blade to the purple vein in my wrist and put pressure on it. The knife created a two inch cut and I did the other wrist but the cuts only trickled a tiny bit of blood.

***

Then I woke up as my alarm went off.
I dismissed the alarm and fell back asleep.

***

I was in my bedroom hiding from my two sisters (both around my age) and my mom. I was scrolling Facebook and I saw a post from my mom that said "I found out I have cancer and just told my girls. They didn't take it well..." I grew angry and tried to comment that she never told me but I couldn't type.

Mom came into my room. "You have to come meet him!"

"Fine!" I yelled and she disappeared down the hall. I started down the hall and I could hear a man's voice. He had a very deep voice. Think Morgan Freeman. I stepped into the dining room and saw an older black man with a white beard.

"Hello," he said.

"Nope." (This was refusing a stepfather, not bc of racism.) I turned and walked back to my room. I sat on my bed and saw the guy from before out my window. He was smiling as I attempted to kill myself by slitting my wrist again. The knife bit into my skin, drawing blood, and...

***

I jerked awake at the sound of my dad coughing in the living room. I instantly felt my wrist. I found them still as smooth as ever but it still felt as though I had been scratched by one of my rabbits. I dosed off again after a while.

***

I was walking into a hospital having a text from my boyfriend's little sister that he had tried to kill himself. I checked in at the desk and I was led to the room where my boyfriend lay in a coma. He had tried to overdose. My boyfriend is trans and still in the closet to his parents.

I was laying with my head on his legs and crying when his parents came back into the room. I then had to explain why I drove 2 hours to see someone they assumed was just a friend. I felt like crap as I stumbled to make up some excuse. I managed to get by on the best friend excuse before I woke.