My Journey. With Cystic Fibrosis.

The Beginning

Amy

“My lungs starts burning again and I think this I am going to die. Its like my lungs are on fire! And the fire is burning down my lungs leaving me breathless. I try to shout but the fire has already gobbled up my voice. What shall I do? And even when I am dying, I am regretting all those things which have happened and now I want to rewind life and change every scene. If only I could… and now I am falling deeper from the edge of my life to deep down where. I close my eyes and shout at voice: I AM NOT GONNA DIE!! And I black out.”

My. Everyday. Dream.

I wake up around 7a.m, sweating profusely and my hair damped by sweating. A ray of sunlight has already made its way into my room.

And through that ray of sunlight, I notice particles of dust flying… independently. They have the whole world to fly around without any difficulty. And suddenly I was ready to trade myself to these dusts to become one of them. To become one of them and explore this world.

I just wish… and then suddenly a huge CRASHH! And I am snapped back into my reality.

As soon as try to sit up suddenly a pain seared through my chest and made me fall on my bed. What was that? Suddenly a million thoughts came zooming into my head. I pushed them aside.

I lifted my shirt up to see what was wrong. What I saw, made me speechless. Words were stuck inside my throat. I couldn’t speak. My whole abdomen was infected. And I could imagine my skin ripped apart already. I pushed aside the thought of hospital. No not again…

I climbed out of my bed and got ready for breakfast. When I went down, I saw mom humming to herself while cooking. I saw dad laying down the plates.
And then I saw Avery. She was just sitting on the sofa and smiling for no reason. I tried my best not to limp because of the constant  pain I was having due to my infection. I didn’t wanted my parents fussing over me unnecessarily. I quietly sat down on the chair and was trying my hard not to give a loud moan which was trying to escape from my mouth. After a few minutes, my whole perfect family were the achievers of a delicious early morning breakfast.

And then my mom suddenly announced, “Today Amy and I will be going to the hospital. Avery do u mind accompany us?”
Avery said with a smile, "Well if my Little sister is going to the hospital, of course I am going. Or else who will make her feel stronger?”

I forced myself to smile at her words but trust me, the smile only half-heartedly. Because at that moment, I was even afraid to smile because what if my senses would even betray me and they would start crying instead of a single smile and will automatically spill my beans. But the biggest mistake was that I could not ever trust my senses. I never had the courage to trust myself and always went with the flow of people. Well maybe that’s why for some of you, maybe I am a weak girl with survivors’ guilt who is going to die after some days.

Suddenly Avery asked me,"Is something up with you Amy? you don’t seem like you are in your usual self."
Oh shit! My worst fear.

“No I am fine. I am brilliant. Well I am going to my room. To erm.. pack things.” I replied with a grin. She wasn’t convinced I could tell by her face.

I got up and was just going to enter my room when suddenly dad said jokingly,” what’s that stain on your t-shirt? Did you slept on your red lipstick mistakenly?”

And then there was my mom in an instant and behind her were Avery and Dad trailing. I immediately knew I was caught. I was so stupid that I had not even wrapped a bandage around to prevent the flow of blood.
At that moment, there was a shock on mom’s face and those beautiful eyes of Avery’s were filled with tears. Dad was just standing there with a look on his face as if his boss had called him on Sunday for work.

Immediately I was dragged to the hospital. I knew this was going to be a long stay at Saint Grace’s hospital. I just hope Sam is there too to hep me out.

By the way, Sam has been my best friend since I was six. He was my only and first friend during the hospital trips because he is also diagnosed with CF.

As soon as I stepped into the familiar hospital I felt kind of cheerful. In a way, I felt happy again to see Jamie and Ann. I was felt to happy to imagine myself roaming the hospital and have late night walks to the NICU. I already wanted to taste the chocolate pudding from the cafeteria. But then again the thought of the medicines and tubes and pills made me hold my breath.

Finally I went in. I went in again to Saint Grace’s Hospital. The seventh time in my life.