Endgame one-shot

I

When you first looked at him,you knew in your heart that something was different. He was different. His relationship with his secretary was a bit faked, that was obvious.  His secretary knew it too.

When he looked at you,you felt your cheeks heat up. You ignored that and put on your blank face and announced Thanos's arrival. When he talked to you,you felt warm from within,like having drunk hot chocolate.

When he rescued you,you were too embarrassed to even thank him properly.

You still regret that now.

Because whenever you see him,nowadays,it's always in your dreams. You dream about him day and night, without break.

It's always the same.

Him dying.

In thousands of different ways.

Always telling you that you had failed.

As you woke up from your latest dream about him, shivering you remembered how everything was your own fault.

You had pushed everyone away.

Even the man who you had grown to love in a matter of hours.

You, Stephen Strange hadn't believed in insta-love before but now it was reality for you.

And you had payed the price of love.

You had watched him getting consumed by the extreme radiation of the Infinity Stones. You had watched him crumple to the ground, unmoving, knowing that it was impossible to save him.

You had felt your heart beat for him once.

Now it had been shattered by his death.

And you were still gathering the pieces.

The world had moved on but the guilt had refused to.

You were stuck in the same place with guilt.

You put on a mask to assure everyone that you were fine and it was perfect. No one knew the damaged heartbroken man who hid behind it. No one needed to,you thought.

Your smiler was fake but perfect. Even Christine Palmer had been fooled by it.

But no one knew the broken man behind the mask.

You felt the tears flow down from your eyes as you sobbed,not caring if anyone heard.

Because it was too much to bear.

Your hands shook but you paid no attention to them.

You covered up the dark circles under his eyes with magic,covered up everything with magic and a perfect acting. You were a great actor,you admitted that to yourself.

But it hurt still.

Pretending.

Being someone who you weren't.

Images floated in front of your eyes as your memories with him came to you, unbidden like water flowing out of a leak.

You grasped at the ones that had him smiling. That made you smile you.

You felt at peace when you remembered the warmth of his smile,the playful voice of his.

He had left a daughter behind.

You had deprived a daughter of her father.

The smile turned upside down as your chest physically ached and you cried out in agony.

Your covers were drenched in your sweat and tears.

No one was there at the Sanctumm then.

You were glad for that. You didn't want to burden anyone.

You closed your eyes as your head hit the pillow.

You were sleep deprived.

There was no fighting sleep.

It was inevitable.

Even if you were Doctor Stephen Vincent Strange.

You cried yourself to sleep,hope against hope that you would not have another nightmare.

You didn't. You were glad for that.

Even a tiny little thirty minutes of sleep was good enough for you,now.

You never noticed the shadow of Wong standing at your door, having rushed here on hearing you cry.

You never noticed him sigh and say to himself,
"One day,I hope that you find someone to confide in. Someone to share your pain with. Because otherwise you are going to kill yourself like this."

You never noticed his worried look.

You never heard him sigh and leave,shaking his head.

You never heard the door close softly behind him.

You were in deep sleep by then.

A calm and restful one,unlike the recent ones.

You never noticed.

Tony Stark smiled sadly from the Soul World as he looked down upon Stephen.

Natasha put a hand on his shoulder. He put his hand above hers, grabbing it, holding his tears back.

He smiled.

You smiled unknowingly in your sleep as well.

Something was wrong with me when I wrote this,I think......