Love Is Flower Like

Chapter 23

"I know," Billy said. He made sure to keep eye contact with her so she would understand that he did, in fact, know.

"I saw the way you curled in on yourself every time someone asked how you were doing or what you were doing. I saw the way you frowned increasingly every day. I saw you become a shell of your former self and for that I am sorry," he said sincerely. "I wasn't the parent you or Jake needed. I put you in a role you weren't ready for."

"All you're doing is apologizing!" Meadow raised her voice. "You're telling me things I already know! I don't want just your apologies!"

She was shaking but she didn't know if it was from anger or if it was just her nerves.

'Just remember to listen and don't hold back.'

Paul's words rang through her head. She latched onto them and quickly tried to gain control over herself. When she was calm again, she said, "I'm sorry. It's just that I feel like all my life, I've had to put myself and my feelings second. Every action I did and every word I spoke was influenced by how they would affect you and Jake. 'How much time would this take away from Jake? Could I do this and still take care of them? What if I get in trouble and it reflects badly on dad? How much of my money will be left for Jake and dad if I get a new book?

All those questions and not one of them ever was about me or how it would affect me. I never considered if something would make me feel better if I did it or if something would make me feel better if I bought it. I got so used to everyone else putting me last that I started doing the same thing. You say you saw me wither away, but you never did anything about it. You watched me wilt and you didn't care. You didn't care!"

Tears flowed out of her closed eyes as she wrapped her arms around herself. She just wanted him to care about her. A squeaky wheel registered through her ears, and she felt a presence in front of her. Suddenly, two arms were holding her. She stiffened and opened her eyes. When she realized what her dad was doing, she threw her arms around him and held him tight.

"I never wanted us to end up like this," Billy said in a wavering voice. "I've never been a good parent like Sarah was. She was the one who understood what it was to be one. I should've been the one-"

"Stop," Meadow whispered. "Don't."

"I thought you could handle it," he said. "I thought you could take care of Jake until I got better. You and Jake have such a close bond and I thought it would be better for the both of you if you relied on each other. I should've known better."

Meadow pulled back from the hug. She saw tears linger in her dad's brown eyes and the sorrowful expression on his face. She'd only seen that kind of look when her mom died.

"It hasn't been all bad," she said, trying to make him feel better. "It was pretty fun hanging out with Jake."

"Don't try to make me feel better," Billy scolded her lightly.

"I'm not," she lied. 

"My little Meadow," he said. He placed a hand on her head and pulled her so that he was holding her again. "I'm so proud of you. I haven't given you sunlight or water, yet you still found a way to bloom by yourself."

"What do you mean?" she asked quietly. "I haven't bloomed."

"On the contrary, you've matured into a fine young lady," Billy said with a smile.

"I've still got flaws," she protested.

He hummed and said, "Every rose has its thorn."

"I'm sorry," Meadow said. "For yelling at you before and for yelling at you today."