II. Le désir [H.S]

VII

My phone rings, just as Harry's lips pull into a big, ridiculous grin.

"Don't." I frown, still upset.

He presses his lips shut, the dimples I've found so adorable before disappearing in less than a fraction of a second. Good. My head is still a bloody mess, my emotions and my feelings are completely different to what my brain is telling me to do. I walk away from the kitchen to the bedroom and look for the source of the ringing until I find my phone stored away in my bag by the windowsill. My mother's name flashes brightly on the screen. Great.

"Hello!" I chirp quickly into the line.

"Darling," My mother sings softly. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, of course." I reply perhaps too fast. I take a glance at Harry who's looking at me intently, leaned against the wall between the kitchen and the short hallway leading to the bathroom. "What's up?"

She takes her time. "I just wanted to check if you're still coming on Tuesday for dinner? There's something I want to talk to you about."

Perhaps it's that I've been dealing with a ridiculous amount of denial and self-induced ignorance this last few days but now that the ball's popped, I'm feeling too restless and too upset to go around in circles or pretend things are going normal or right when they're clearly not. My mother's been reminding me of this dinner far too much for me to believe -or pretend- that something isn't going to happen and from past experiences, I find myself in the urge to ask now before it's too late.

"Is this about my father?" I cut straight to the point and that gets Harry's attention.

My mother speaks quickly. "No! Of course not! Emilia, how can you think such a-"

"Because it's happened." I say matter-of-fact. "I'm sorry if it came out wrong but I just had to ask."

She sighs and I know she's going to nag me about speaking so bluntly for nothing as soon as we see each other. "It about the wedding so you can relax."

"Theo's wedding?" I frown, as far as my brother's told me everything is going smoothly.

"No, your wedding." She cheekily says, it's so natural and quick I would laugh if I wasn't feeling so appalled by life at the moment. "Of course it's about your brother's."

"Alright then." I nod even though she can't see me. Harry's eyes are digging holes in my face as I walk back to the kitchen. "I'll see you tomorrow."

After we're done talking, not before promising twice that I'll be at her house before seven, my mother finally hangs up. Silence takes over as I sip from my cuppa and Harry keeps on looking at me intently as if I was some wild animal he expects will attack him. He's right to think that way. I don't know exactly why I feel so fed up, maybe it's because now the part of me that was doubting Harry's reasons to lie to me, the one that always questioned his true motives and the love he said he had for me, has finally subsided. I know he loves me, something just tell me he does. But that doesn't erase what he's done. It doesn't ease off the hurt it comes from having someone I trusted so much lie blatantly to my face for nearly five months.

"Something happened with your father?" Harry's voice drags as he holds the untouched cup of tea in a one hand.

I shake my head slowly. "No."

He takes a deep breath. "Are you mad? Still?"

He's practically asking for it, really.

"Yeah. I am." I reply almost instantly. "I'm angry at you for what you did. I'm angry that you couldn't trust me, that you kept something so important from me." I bite into my lip, trying to control my emotions. "And I fucking hate that Matt knew and I didn't."