silenced - m.g.c.

three.

three.

"here is the tragedy: when you are the victim of depression, not only do you feel utterly helpless and abandoned by the world, you also know that very few people can understand, or even begin to believe, that life can be this painful." - Giles Andreae

it had been a few days since seeing michael - and making out with him. he finally asked to hang out again. i was anxious to hang out again considering what happened. i gave him a boner for fucks sake. i told him i got high - he now knows i smoke weed.

the first thing he asks when he enters my house is, "why do you smoke?" if i spoke, i would laugh, but i don't even remember how to laugh. "that stuff kills you, you know." i smile wider, at that, and grab the pencil and paper i put out earlier.

that is the whole point, michael. "you smoke to enjoy it, i smoke to die" - alaska, from looking for alaska by john green. have you ever read that book?

i pick up the paper and show it to michael. he quickly reads it, and moves his lips as he does so. i watch every movement his lips make, completely infatuated with them.

"no, i don't read a lot." i smile at him, then poke his nose. i return to the paper.

wOW, you're missing out. i love reading, it takes me to another world.

this time michael smiles at me, showing off his perfect teeth. i smile wider.

"please talk for me, i want to hear your voice." he begs. i shake my head, letting my smile fade.

i can't michael..

"why not? i don't see why not. you just open your mouth and talk." i sigh and get back on the couch next to michael. i lean my head on his shoulder. i'm too depressed to talk, and he doesn't understand. fuck, he never will, no one will.

i'm so sorry michael. there's just no point in me talking. no one wants to hear my words.

he wraps his arms around my waist, and he just holds me tightly. he moves his lips next to my ear and whispers, "but i want to hear your words." i smile and kiss his cheek, then move in closer to him. "hey do you want to meet my mates?" i smile and nod.

let me change

"you look beautiful, but okay." i run up the stairs and change into something more presentable. i grab the new pack of cigarettes and my lighter before running back down the stairs. michael now has his shoes on and keys in hand. he's on the phone, with a huge smile on his face. "yes, yes, we'll be there in like fifteen minutes or so. don't shit your pants, irwin." i smile, and then we leave the house.

we enter the car and we just drive. "you'll love the boys, i think. they're a lot like me, but also different." he sneaks a look at me, and sees me just watching him. he blushes before looking back at the road.

"there's ashton. he's got curly brown hair. he's really funny, and the oldest of us all. he's like the dad of us four boys. he definitely keeps us grounded. if you ever need someone to talk to, ashton is definitely the person to go to. he understands SO much. he has a girlfriend her name is fallon. they're the cutest couple i've met in my life. you'll see." he rambles on and on, and i smile at his words laced with happiness.

"then there's calum. he's like a puppy, an adorable puppy. he's got brown hair with some blonde in the front. he's such a nice person. he's sweet and cares so much about everyone he meets. unless you do something to him, then he can be a bit of an asshole. he also has a girlfriend. her name is joselyn. she's really nice and has been through a lot, just a fair warning."

"then there's luke. my god luke he's blonde with blue eyes - he would be a ladies man if he could talk to them. also, the youngest of our group. him and i used to hate each other. and now we're best friends. he's actually a really cool dude. luke also has a girlfriend, her name is avalon. she's a really nice girl. she dyes her hair crazy colors like me. it's currently purple." i smile and lean over to kiss his cheek.

"hey we're here." he says as he stops the car, along the curb. i take out the pack of cigarettes and get one out. i fiddle it around and hold up a finger. he nods, "just one." i get out of the car, and light the cigarette, to calm my nerves. i finish off the cigarette, dragging it off, making it last.

"let's go, babe," michael says, grabbing my hand, pulling me to the door.

. . .

hey guys an update! please comment :)

- kelsey