The Spaces in Between

Everybody leaves

His lips were desperate against yours. Trying to fix perfectly between the line of your lips. His hands moved up your hips with a hard grip pulling your hips against his and away from the wall. His hands reached up to the nape of your neck. His hands were huge, wrapping around the width of your neck with ease.

As he kissed you deeper you felt his tongue slip inside of your mouth. His breath didn't have a specific smell but it was warm and clean. He tilted his head to the side as he moved his tongue in circles around yours, one hand gripping your waist and the other hand gripping your neck. The kiss was tender, loving, and as his breath plowed out over your face, he released you from his grip slowly. He met with your eyes.

You were speechless. This was nothing like your dream. He was almost the opposite. Gentle and kind with your body, giving and thoughtful. You chuckled at the unfamiliar warm feeling in your body.

"Why are you laughing?" His eyes narrowed and his eyes stung with rejection.

"No no Ben it's not like that. I just... I've never.. and I didn't think it was going to be with you."

His lips grew together in a frown, he looked like he was going to choke on his words that hadn't come out yet. "I'm sorry I wasn't what you were hoping for." There was seriousness and disappointment in his voice.

"Ben.. you know that's not what I meant." Your concern grew as his hands lifted from his sides to push his hair back out of his face. He trailed the floor for answers, coming up short he turned away from you.

"I don't need you to fucking baby me," his voice was growing more aggressive, you took a step back from him, "I'm sorry I wasn't what you expected or wanted. I'll see myself out." He made long strides towards the door, You felt yourself reaching your hand out to catch his, but he was already gone.

What the hell just happened?

Confused, you followed him out into the hallway.

"Ben! You can't just kiss me and then leave. Do you care about anyone but yourself?" You were growing annoyed with the hot and cold annoyance of Ben Solos actions.

He turned to face you, there seemed to be tears in his eyes. They hadn't dropped yet, he wasn't going to let them. But they were there.

"I won't make anyone want to be with me if they don't want to. I've learned that people always leave and they don't come back." His deep unaltering voice cracked.
You walked towards him wanting to comfort him, he kept backing away from you as if your touch would make him release it all.

"Ben... what happened." You didn't see anger anymore. You saw a boy who was scared and disappointed.

He paused for a moment and his puffy lips quivered before he spoke. "It's been 5 years today since I've seen my parents. I don't want to see them, I don't want to know them. They don't know me. Nobody really knows me. I want someone to know me and not be disappointed by what they see."

You hadn't realized that he wasn't born alone. You were so clouded by who his parents were that you didn't stop to think where they were. You wondered what it was like to have a family, never imagining having one and losing one. He was crying for help.

"I'm here. I don't have a family either, I know I came from somewhere. But it doesn't matter who you came from.. it matters who you become for others." You braved a slight comforting smile as you reached out your hand to hold his.

"You won't want me when you figure out just how broken I really am. I should've never done that. I'm sorry." His eyes were set on your hand. He wanted to take it, he wanted to feel relief. He didn't trust anyone, but neither did you.