Kenzie Gilbert: The Tormented Twin (6)

1: Second Year Of College

I pulled out my "Dear Stefan" journal. It was time to write. Because I hadn't since school started. And I packed it in my school bag so I could finally catch Stefan up on how none of us recovered over the summer. We were all just keeping busy.

"Dear Stefanator,

So sophomore year started. It's been completely lame so far. Summer is over though and I have to get back to real life. That means not in bed crying over you. Not disappearing for days to follow a dead end lead with Enzo. You know how he and I are good allies at the moment. I bet that would bother you if you were here. But he's the only active one trying to bring you back. Well, Damon back. But still.

Anyways school is a distraction from my grief. And I've been holding it all together almost too well. It was getting exhausting. I couldn't wait till this school day ended and I could go to your family crypt and talk to you. Be with you.

Anyways, let's play catch up. Because I usually just tell you the boring sad things I do at home. Well, first things first. I'm back living on campus. In a dorm room alone. Elena has her apartment off campus, my room I had over summer is officially a baby nursery. But she's gotten way better with being a vampire. Took to it better than I did I guess. But no ones surprised by that, right?

Elena is also in school now. And we compelled her into sophomore year. So now she's 'this is the year to pick a major and start carving out your path in life' ...Blah, blah, blah. But that's what we did. She dragged me into this hospital internship on campus. I have to wear khakis and a maroon polo every time in there. I hate it. Maroon isn't a good color on me. But it's supposed to be dark enough to pretend you can't see stains like blood or vomit somehow.

Your fiancé is going to be Doctor Kenzie Gilbert. How does that sound? Cool right. It might not have been my idea or my first thought but now I've been thinking about it seriously. What if I could be a therapist one day? I could help people like. Just a thought. But I spent my fourth day again observing the instructor as each day we're on a new floor of the hospital that she's showing us around. It's really boring. And I want to drop out already... But at least now we have unlimited access to blood bags. And trust me, we need all the help we can get.

Ric and Elena are so new to vampirism. They aren't used to the whole drinking other people's blood thing. They're not comfortable with it. Yet, as to be expected, they're going through blood like crazy. I've been extra hungry lately but maybe that's from the herbs Luke's been giving me. I told you about those. Yeah, I'm still using them. Why? Because I miss looking at your face and talking to you and feeling like my world isn't empty and falling apart. I miss you, Stef. So if I can hallucinate you next to me, smiling at me every day until I have you back, I will. Because if not I'm crying in bed, cuddling my teddy bear and that's not going to fix any of my problems. It won't bring you back, it won't get me into Mystic Falls, and it won't let me live my life without you. I hate how broken I feel when I let myself realize I'm alone now. Not having you is the worst thing in the world. And I don't want to be depressed. I don't want to turn into that girl you first met. I want to be strong for you. For my family. For my wellbeing.

But it's so hard, Stef. I can't sleep at night. All I do is cry. And when I'm finally so exhausted and start driving off all I see are your green eyes. How can something so beautiful be so haunting? I'm a mess. But only you have to know that. Only you have to know that I'm tormented everyday.

Back to Ric. He's still an original vampire and now he's teaching at Whitmore. Weird, right?! But in his defense, he couldn't exactly compel himself a job back at the high school. Nope... The high school, the grill, town square everything in Mystic Falls was still off-limits to anyone with fangs. All thanks to the traveler's anti magic spell. So a lot of us haven't been back home in months. On the plus side, the crime rate is way down.