One Hundred Ways To Annoy Snape (Finished)

Burn

Dear Lord, what is that man doing to us?

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A few hours later, we skipped into the Potions classroom. The sight on the desk made us stop in horror. Snape, however, was smirking. "Is there a problem, Miss Riddle? What about you, Miss Dewitt?" he drawled. I had to stop myself from turning around to run away. I pressed my hand to my mouth. 

"Sexy, that is disgusting!" Rock shouted. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? IT'S DEAD! WHY DO YOU HAVE DEAD THINGS ON THE DESKS?" I completely agreed with her on this one. I had a terrible fear of dead things and I had a funny feeling that this detention would have a lot to do with the dead rats and bugs. Urgh, that's detestable. Snape, although still mostly naked, looked smug and arrogant. I wanted to slap him. 

With my hand still held tightly to my mouth, I asked, "Professor Snape, while I agree we should be punished, must it involve something that was once living?" 

He smiled coldly. "I think, Miss Dewitt, that you will serve the detention and do so quietly. Sit." I tried to make myself move, but the rats were dead and I cannot handle dead things. Call me a girly girl, but it's true. I did sit down, and I should've been giving an award for that alone. Rock did the same and took a knife in her hand, examining it as if she'd like to stab Snape in the hand with it. I supported this action completely. 

"I can't do this," I muttered, closing my eyes tightly, fighting the urge to stand up again. "I am going to throw up." 

Rock squeezed my shoulder sympathetically. "It's okay, Jen. Take a deep breath and just do it. Pretend it's Sexy. That's what I'm doing," she whispered darkly, the knife making a sharp rapping sound on the table as she cut. I took a knife of my own, looking doubtfully at the dead things in front of me. 

I stood up. "I can't do this!" I cried out, panicked. Snape shot me a weird look. "They're dead! And... Oh, my God, ew! I-I'm sorry, Professor, but I can't do this. I have a fear of dead things and I'll do anything else, just don't make me do this!" I was practically begging. 

"Miss Dewitt, calm yourself!" he snapped. "For God's sake, girl, they won't hurt you!" 

I couldn't quite believe what Rock did, but knowing her, it could've been much worse. She cut a rat open, took its heart out, and threw it at the professor. It splattered against his skin and I stopped hyperventilating long enough to stare in shock. Slowly I turned to Rock and said, "Nice aim. I'm impressed." She smirked. 

"I think this detention is over, Sexy. Until next time," she bidded him, taking me by the arm, and dragged me into the hallway. "You okay, Jen? You look kind of pale." I snorted. 

"I always look pale. And, yeah, I'm fine. Just... I don't want to see that ever again," I shuddered. "On the bright side, I found a way to make it up to Snape. Maybe now he won't lay into us for a while. Or get rid of the dead things." 

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It was a few hours later, and if this weren't so important, we totally would've waited until morning. But Rock and I figured that he'd be in a better mood if we gave him the surprise before the next day. So we entered the classroom, not bothering to knock. After all, we'd been there so many times that we might as well move in. We put the several packages on Professor Snape's desk. He looked at us wearily and exhaled heavily. "What is this? Miss Dewitt, I know you don't like dead things now, you do not have to give me several reminders," he said darkly. Rock shook her head in irritation. 

"Professor, these are clothes," she snapped. "If you don't want any to wear, then I won't complain. Lord knows I need something to look at during class and your sexy chest is the best distraction on the face of the earth." Snape narrowed his eyes. 

A pained look cut across his face. "Miss Riddle... I apologize for comparing you to your father. He would not have done this." 

She winked. "That's right, Sexy. I'm one of a kind." 

"I see why you would think that, what horrors await me?" He groaned as myself and Rock passed the bags over slowly, I had a feeling how he would react but I hoped I was wrong.

"WHAT IS THIS?" He screeched making me want to cover my over sensitive ears with speed, looking to Rock I bit my lip and turned to the professor.

"Um clothes sir" I offered and he looked at me darkly holding a pair of light blue jeans and a crisp white t-shirt gripped tightly in his hand, his hard eyes glanced at the clothes with fury and I really did not see what was so wrong with them. They were muggle if that was his problem, I knew we should have got robes like he would have wanted.

"Theses are not my clothes" he hissed and Rock steeped forward snatching them from his hand with speed I did not know she possessed, glancing at her I saw her hands stuff them into the bag and watched her walk towards the door in anger.

"If you would rather wear those shorts sexy, we wouldn't mind" she called pausing at the door with the bag slung over her shoulder, her hair catching the light I looked towards Snape to see him look down at the shorts in some-what disregard.

"Leave the bag Miss Riddle" he sighed and I watched Rock walk back in with a spring in her step and saw that twinkle she got in her eyes when she was about to do something beyond mad.

"Enjoy the clothes professor" I called grabbing Rock and pulling her towards the door with speed before she could get us killed. Once we were out of his office I turned to get the door slammed in my face and growled.

"Well that is gratitude for you" I remarked and set of to plan our next major prank that was sure to land us into even more trouble than this one had, how that was possible don't ask.. It makes sense to me.