Falling To Peices

To Grandmother's House We Go

How could I forget about it when we had just spoken about everything to do with the beings?

I sit up and look at Christian tapping his finger on the steering wheel to the music beat. It is another sad song, something classical like you would sing in a church. What are the words? Balulalow, Balooo, la low? Hmmm, it must be in some kind of language. "Oh, Hey your up. Its about time." I meet Christians carmel brown eyes and they are instantly locke in. I smile at him and climb into the empty passenger seat. 

"Goodmorning." I tell him chipper and happy. "Well goodmorning." He smiles at me and then concentrates on the road. Outside, the snow is slushed with black and brown dirt and mud from the cars. The sky is smokey and not clear. To tell it simply, it looks like crap here. I am so used to the sun shining on the snow and glimmering up at you and blinding you with its beauty. But not here, here in Chicago you get cloudy dirty snow. With no sun, so I guess it means winter is coming to an end here, usually the snow lasts until New Years Day but I guess not this year.

It must not be that cold outside because Christian doesn't have the heat on very high.

"So how long are we from Grandmas?" I say trying to get my mind of the weather. I examine Christian and notice he is wearing a blue pullover sweatshirt with light blue jeans, casual. I like this Christian. "Umm, I don't know about two hours or so. It won't be that long. Why whats your rush?" He pulls his lip up showing some of his teeth. "Nothing, I just want to see her." My Grandma. I can't wait. Even a couple weeks away from her hurts.

"Understandable. While we are driving would you like to ask more questions?" Christian asks and I am shocked by his question. Usually he wouldn't like it if I talked about wolves and the secrets they hide. But I"m not one to argue with a good thing.

"Well lets see. We talked about how we got here, sort of the whole mating thing. Could we talk about change?" I ask him looking at him making sure my words were chose right. His face doesn't change much. He looks at me and then looks away and nods.

" Fair enough, I suppose. Honestly its different with everyone. I mean Molly had a very easy time changing. Nothing went wrong and she had many of people who cared about her around to help. So she had it easy. My Dad, didn't have it so good, his first time he didn't even know he was bitten until someone had showed him. That was my mother of course. She was there with him trying to help but she was so tiny there wasn't much she could do." He pauses and doesn't go one.

"When you mean there for them, I don't quite follow." Is he talking about biting them or is he talking about helping them through the change? "I'm sorry, um. Well when you change Blake, you..." He struggles for words. He breathes in and looks at me.

"Can I be honest with you without scaring you?" He asks me in a soft subtle voice. I nod wondering what could be so horrible about changing. Why would he hide something from me especially if I'm thinking about becoming one.

"Okay, when you change you have total lost of control over your body. You feel like you are on fire, like someone is holding a blow torch to your body, but your feet are as cold as the arctic water. Your head feels like its swelling up and you are so thirsty." He stops and looks at me. I don't say anything.

Sounds like he has had it rough. "You are thirsty, Blake do you know what for?" He asks me in a soft voice. His eye brows duck down in to a sad expression. I have an idea but I don't want to say it.

"Blood, human blood, animal blood. It doesn't matter just as long as you get some to retain the thirst. Its a horrible feeling Blake. You think it won't be that bad but it is. It is a painful process." He doesn't look at me just concentrates at the road.

Is he trying to tell me not to become one?

"I am not trying to scare you, I just want you to understand what will happen. But like i said before, some people don't feel the pain the erge to kill. But others do and it feels like it will never end." He stops and I soak it in. So its painful, but if i have Grant, Molly, Christian and Dray, and Jayden around me then maybe it won't be so bad. Right?

"How was your first time?" I ask quietly not sure if I should have asked.

"Honestly?"

I nod and he begins almost without hesitation.

"Well, I was changed in 1959. I had this rare disease that no one new how to cure. I can't remember what it was but I was dying. i remember the hospital in London though, Sacrimento Verginae Hospital. It was a very nice hospital. My father and mother had put me in there before I could even step foot into the wolf world. I hadn't known about the wolf world until a few minutes after Megan had bit me. I had no clue what was going on. I thought they had given me some kind of medicine that had made my body go numb. Then I started to feel the cracks of my bones. The heat flashes I would get. Then my father had hypnotized a couple of the nurses and said i had passed away and while this was all happening I was being moved into one of the dungeons where the Alphas would form into their wolves every full moon. I was changing and i was so young only fifteen. No other wolf had been changed at that age, so they didn't know what would happen plus i had that disease so they were doing it on chance.

My mother had found Megan at a bar. Megan had come across my mother a time or two and they immediately became friends. So she told Megan about me and my condition and Megan was left alone and no pack to be in so when she saved me she automatically became my mate and our new pack member. Thats why Megan is my mate, because she saved my life. I had no other choice to be, she saved my life and she had been alone for two hundred years. Do you know what that feels like? Of course not, I don't expect you to understand." He mumbles off and I come to realize how much of a bitch I had been to him. Not understanding about him and his unspoken girlfriend or mate because I really haven't had the feeling of being alone completely. I had my Grandma to be with and my father but it wasn't enough. I feel like i have been selfish. So selfish.

****************************************************************************

The old house look just the same as when I left the day after my mothers funeral. A baige yellow color with maroon shutters. I loved this house, the porch my mother would always walk on if she had had a long day, and the swing I would swing on as a preteen thinking about things I hadn't thought about for a while. And now Christian and I stand on the same porch that my mother stood on.

Knock, Knock, Knock.

Chrisitans knocks are soft but loud, he just moves his wrists and nothing more. I watch him as he knocks a couple more time waiting for my Grandma to let us in. It takes her a few minutes but she finally opens the door and her cheeks are rosy red and her hair not white yet like some sixty year old grandparents should.

She looks exactly like my mother. And I start to cry at her beauty, missing my mother even more.