II. Le désir [H.S]

III

Like I had a fucking choice.

"Come on, let's go." Matt swings an arm around me as I walk through the few drunks inside the pub. "I know you're feeling down mate but you need to snap out of it."

"Fuck off." I shrug him off, the last thing I need is his fucking pity. "Just go. I'll see you'round."

"I don't think Emilia might go." Michael says as if it was the smartest thing to say.

Matt looks at him with a frown. "Shut up." I hear him whisper as I walk away. "Are you sure?" he shouts loudly when I cross the street.

I flip him off and keep on walking. The winter is getting colder even though we're already through the first week of February, the air is too humid and the damn jacket I got on doesn't do shit to keep me from freezing over as I walk the few streets leading to the park. I'm a good ten or fifteen blocks from the complex so I take out a cigarette and light it up as I wait for a crossing light to go on already.

Taking a long, much needed drag I almost choke when I realise who's walking over the sidewalk across the other side of the street to take a cab. Her legs are wrapped in tight black bell trousers, a black high neck top and pointy leather boots as she pulls a big coat over her shoulders. Her dark chocolate hair has grown a little and I can see the silver hoops in her ears shinning as the cab's headlights hit her face. She's fucking stunning, more than ever.

What is she doing around here? Was she at her brother's? Is that where she lives now? Why is she dressed up?

Jealousy hits me almost immediately at the idea of her going out somewhere with someone that's not me. I know it's ridiculous and quite stupid but I don't give a shit. I have to find out if she's going on a date. Fuck me if she is. Michael said Emilia wouldn't be at Alex's party. Where the hell is she going, then? Why does she look so good, why isn't she miserable like me? I need to know. Quickly, I throw the cigarette away and pull my phone out, walking faster to my flat and dialling Matt.

"Where are you?" I ask as soon as he picks up. "Where's Alex's party at?"

Matt chuckles out. "We were about to take a cab, actually."

"Wait at the pub. I'll pick you up." I state and hang up.

Urgency runs through my body as I desperately rush to the complex where my flat is. I need to figure out what to do next because if Emilia happens to actually be somewhere else that isn't Alex's party I'm going to fucking loose it. She looked so good, so bloody attractive and alluring. For a moment I wish I didn't feel as attracted as I've always been to her but who am I kidding?

I've missed every single thing about her. The way she'd laugh at my dark humour, how she would smirk at my inappropriate innuendos or cheekily reply to my attempts to get into her pants in the most random places. God -I fucking missed her thick skull and her tendency to boss me around. I miss her deep frown whenever she got too interested in something, the way she'd flip me off and almost immediately kiss me when I acted out like a pick.

I miss her body. Fuck do I miss it. Her beautiful eyes, the way they'd lit up when I touched her, how she'd beg me to fuck her whenever she was too desperate, the way she would show me just how much she wanted me to be inside of her, to show her how much she meant to me in such a primal way. I haven't been able to think about anything else other than her and every inch of her body whenever I feel like I'm going to explode, playing with myself like a bloody teenager, imagining it's her hands or her mouth around me so I can find my release, so I can feel even if it's for a slight second that she's with me.

A part of me was selfishly hoping she'd be as miserable as I've been. That she'd miss me and dream of me every time she closed her eyes because that's exactly how it's been for me. There hasn't been a single night I haven't dreamt of her, of the time we spent together or the plans I thought would someday come true. She's everything I've ever wanted but I lost her, and that's the sole thought that's rang inside of my head every second of the last five weeks. Did she really forget about me, already?