I thought this would be a normal day, just shooting an ad for some generic soda brand, but oh boy was I wrong.....
So there I was, standing over my late father's grave with a small bottle of glitter and a pack of 12 fireworks, as you do.
Really just everyday things. Until the milk salesman who went crazy in the late 90s came barrelling towards me...
All I wanted was some pasta, so how had I ended up opening a portal to hell, murdering the antichrist and liberating the underworld?
It really wasn't my fault. To be completely honest with you I think it was the snake I keep in my purse for desperate times. He can be a bit full-on, but after turning the third man to stone I was beginning to think otherwise.
Could I feed my pet ant an entire mc chicken burger? it was ill-advised by many but I reckoned I could manage the after-effects.
Then when all else failed, I jumped onto the back of a Russian navy ship and screamed: "to infinity and beyond". I guess I can't blame them for giving me several parking fines for the life-sized sword I threw at Zeus but was the other stuff really necessary?
My best friends, neighbors, sisters, mothers-in-law's, catwalkers, niece had just started the French revolution all over again, she had paddle boated there from Spain and told the Baguette maker that he smelt like turnips and fish sticks, and next thing you know, the entire country is decapitating their ducks.
And guess where that left me? Sitting in a bath made for toddlers filled with baked beans trying to memorize the 29th line of Harry Potter, all while some white guy in a gum tree was aggressively humming to the point that I had to, at least, steal one beach of sand for the sorry picnic.
Pancakes! why did she bring pancakes? the theme for the baptism was lettuce! honestly, this is why we removed Ireland's internet, no one in their right mind would think that the geese could fly when looking at the colour yellow let alone perform well in their pottery classes.
How friking dare she! Only a midwife she says. Then complains when I decided to re-tile the door to hell, simply because that could lead to more lint. I swear she was never alive the time when all the snakes that look after the time clock had a nap causing at least half the Atlantic to be turned to a less fashionable cardboard.
Bees rock black and yellow and yet, when I turn up to the funeral at the gates of hell wearing pink polka dots, THAT"S where they draw the line!? the economic crash due to the silverware moving to central London is really causing problems in the ostrich market, $16 for a piece of pie dragged through termite mounds, I am going to have to call my goat lawyer
So, obviously, that lead me to storm into the generic soda brand ad and change the whole goddam script. I mean it had to be done, the red was just not cutting it and after I had repeated all of history, made a new nuclear power for the beauty industry AND caused all of the human race to be a cross of a camel and a bit of frog, it wouldn't really surprise me one how well the ad went. So in the last dead hours of the day, I decided to celebrate, and that leads me to the end of my debate about why paper mache could never really be anything but a lifestyle. The end
