Vent

My life is fucked up

Well, i know a lot of people who would be nodding their heads at that one. A lot of people are probably like, yep, me too.

If anyone i know read this, they will just nod and be like, you got that right Luke.

Right now, i'm in a really bad spot where i'm starting to need some new friends. A few of my closest friends, have betrayed me, and the knife in my back is getting pushed deeper and deeper the more i let them isolate me....

now, i have severe depression and anxiety, and they know this, but yet they still do everything they can to hurt me. Before, i was blinded by how dependent i was on them, that i thought they actually cared. With the events that occurred today, which i'm afraid i'll have to keep private for obvious safety and privacy reasons, i feel like i opened my eyes to the truth, and it was something i was not ready to be exposed to. But i have to deal with it, as i have to deal with the other problems in my life. 

I have only one close friend left, and she promised that she wouldn't let them isolate me. She's still yet to find out how fake they really are.

As you might be able to tell from how i am writing right now, or you may not be able to tell, but i am very angry. I am angry, and sad, and in pain.

I have been hurt so badly by these people that i feel like i will never recover. I feel like my heart has gone A.W.O.L, like it just picked up its cracked of pieces and left.

I just recently went through a break up too, normal teen stuff, and then this load was dumped onto me?! I'm really pissed off about it.

I just want things to go back to normal, when kids my age weren't all self absorbed bitches, and yes, i count as one of those self absorbed bitches. I can't say i don't make any mistakes, but what they fail to realize, is that, when i say i'm okay, i am never okay.

I say, 'i'm fine' and 'i am okay', because i want people to ask me to tell them the truth, i want someone to notice that i am not okay. They ask, 'are you hurting yourself?' And i respond with a simple 'no.'

Thats a lie. I am, i just do it so you can't see it.

'why are you in pain?'

'I don't remember.'

But i do. Oh, i remember too clearly. I jumped off the roof of my house. Its not that high, but the landing still hurt like a bitch.

I should probably move onto the next subject/chapter before i start a rant and i go on for hours.....

--I'm the best there is at what i do. But what i do isn't very nice--