SHE (bk 1)

TWENTY-ONE

Clementine

"So basically you helped THE Harry Styles write a song that is probably about you?," Clementine chokes as Maya squeals at her from across the booth, Jonathan chuckling.

She looks between the two before swallowing hard, "No I mean I helped but I highly doubt it was about me guys," her small nervous laughter made Jonathan uneasy. All he wanted was her happiness but he didn't know if she knew she deserved it yet.

"Do you not like him?"

Clementine sighed heavily while rubbing her tired eyes, she had seen Max standing on the corner of her street last night walking home. He knew where she lived and that she was alone, her body shaking in fear with every noise she hears throughout the evening. She knew she wasn't safe and it killed her that nowhere that was hers was really a sanctuary for her. 

Pulling her hair into a high ponytail she smiles, "It's a little complicated...I believe we are just really good friends because we work really well like that. We also are both really hurt and not ready to be with someone intimately...well that's at least how I feel," she shrugs and Maya eyes up the blonde who was making it really hard to hate her.

Harry was somewhat right about Maya being jealous of the relationship Jonathan and Clementine had, they comforted each other with no boundaries. When Maya had first met Clementine she was intimidated by her beauty and wit, something Maya thought she didn't have. But over time she realized behind that chirpy, bubbly facade Clementine is just as broken as everyone else. 

Maya didn't want to admit it but she thought Clementine would look down upon her for being an immigrant in the country. Her bleach blonde hair and grayish blue eyes were somewhat of a trigger when speaking of her families migration to America from Korea when she was seven. So often she had been scolded by these blonde look alikes for speaking something other than English in New York. It had happened five times since she was younger, and it was five times too many.

But one of those times Clementine was stood beside her in a Deli down-town, her eyebrows furrowed in anger at the older woman. "How dare you be so rude to someone you don't even know, all of your ancestors are immigrants from different countries...you are nothing but an ignorant racist who should just keep her mouth shut," as soon as the words left her mouth Maya's jaw had dropped.

It made her hate Clementine even more. 

The thought was odd but Clementine seemed like the perfect person and that scared Maya into thinking she wasn't enough for Jonathan. But today sitting across from the blonde who tried her hardest to be kind to Maya, it was hard for her to be rude. She didn't want to anymore, they both could benefit from this friendship.

"Sometimes a relationship can fix you and make you whole again," Maya speaks after all the thoughts left her mind, eyes watching the blondes reaction. "Ya know you guys could be a really nice support  system for each other."

Clementine hummed in acknowledgment, "Yeah I believe you're right but I don't want to someone to 'fix' me, I want to figure out what I need to be happy. If I don't know what I need what makes me think someone else will? It could ruin everything and I think Harry would agree with that," she sucks an ice cube from her drink into her mouth and chews it while the couple look at her.

"You should be a therapist," Jonathan smiles and Maya laughs beside him, although they weren't kidding it seemed like she always had the answers no matter what. It was unsettling since she couldn't seem to take her own advice most of the time. "Just think about Harry in another way...other than a friend and see how you feel."

Clementine bites her lip at the thought of Harry being an intimate partner, someone who held her and kissed her when she needed it. She thought of him being who she slept next to every night and had a cup of coffee with every morning, her stomach twisting in excitement. There was no doubt she was attracted to him because he was so handsome in his own way, masculine without being afraid of femininity.

He was what women dreamed of marrying and settling down with in the long run, someone to rely on when they needed support. Harry had grown so much in just the past month and with a healthy relationship she wondered just how much he would flourish. 

A steady blush appears on her face and she coughs awkwardly, "Um friends is good for now."

"Well he must think so too, look," Maya shoved her phone in Clementine's face, a picture of Harry walking into his apartment building with a dark haired woman plastered on the screen.

The pair were laughing in the picture while the tall girl touched his bicep, "Kendall Jenner?," Clementine read out in confusion not really knowing who the girl was anyway.

"Yeah she's a Victoria's Secret model and like a fashion icon right now...plus they used to date," she gets quieter on the last part to gauge the blondes reaction but it didn't seem like she had one. Clementine was really good at hiding her facial expressions. 

Clementine nodded slowly, "I am obviously not his type anyway...ya know tall, famous and of course a model."

The blonde shrugged off the picture and continued on with her lunch, the friends across from her bickering about where they would eat dinner. But Clementine wondered if Harry just liked her because she wasn't famous, that he only wanted her around when he needed grounding.

She was an un-famous anchor to him and that was it, someone who could grab him and pull him back to reality when his head was in the stars. A familiar pain erupted in her chest when the realization sunk in, she wasn't 'golden' the idea of her was 'golden'.

Feeling used and completely melancholy she excuses herself to the bathroom so she can have a panic attack in peace. Her eyes watering and bottom lip quivering as she thought of herself as nothing but someone who could make him feel better when he needed it. 

Then when he had his fill of normality he would find his super model exes and run back to the celebrity life where he was a King. 

And once again Clementine was forgotten in the dust until he needed a fill once again.