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You've Been Served!

"Helloooo, Earth to Viv!" Laura's voice cut through my daze. She poured herself a fresh cup of coffee at the kitchenette in the teacher's lounge. "I asked if you were coming to happy hour later?"

"I really shouldn't," I said with a tap of my red pen on the stack of essays and tests in front of me.

Laura leaned against the counter. "You have all weekend to get those done. You haven't been to a happy hour in ages."

"That's because I'm still recovering from the hangover I got after the last one I went to. My liver can't keep up with you lushes." I shook my head with a laugh.

Laura laughed too. "C'mon you know it'll be fun. And a little birdie told me that the new, adorable, single, PE teacher will be there." Her eyebrows lifted expectantly at me as she took a sip from her #1 Counselor mug.

"Oh Lord! Please tell me you did not do what I think you did. There's no way I'm going now!"

My cheeks felt flush picturing how much tea she'd probably started brewing about me and this poor guy. The gossip amongst high school teachers was way worse than what was whispered between our students. I should have never casually mentioned that I thought he was cute in front of her. Of course she'd go off asking questions about him, "for Vivian." It made me seem like I was some middle schooler who sent her out to ask my crush if he liked me.

Laura wouldn't confirm or deny my suspicion. She just stood there trying to look innocent. I had to hand it to her, she was persistent in her attempts to fix me up with someone. Back in August, she had even convinced me to hand over my hard-earned money for a six month subscription to some stupid matchmaking app. Five months later and not a single prospect from the thing. I was too depressed to think about attending a happy hour where I might get way too drunk and start crying.

Thankfully by March the payments would be over with and I wouldn't see the monthly deduction from my account. A particularly cruel reminder that out of the over 6 million heterosexual, male subscribers they couldn't find me a perfect Game/Set/Match.

For a dating app that used lots of tennis metaphors, including a promise to find your perfect doubles partner, I had come to believe the joke was on me. After all, love in tennis terms, means zero.

I looked at the time and started to put the papers back into my file folders. "Besides Laura, I know what'll happen. I'll wind up being way too hungover on Saturday to get anything done. Then on Sunday, I'll have to scurry around to get all of my grading, cleaning and errands done."

She pointed her finger at me. "You're ridiculous and you're going!"

When I opened my mouth to object, she pointed her finger again. "I have a husband, a toddler, and a dog. If I can get everything I need to get done in one day, so can you. Plus, Tim and I decided we're gonna try for baby number two. So if we're successful, this might be my last happy hour for a long while."

It was no use fighting. I sighed and stood up. "Fine. I'll go." I made a mental note to buy her some fertility sticks, to help ensure that something get implanted inside of her, other than her desire to find me a boyfriend.

"Excellent!" Laura smiled broadly. Then she looked me over and frowned. "But you should not wear that."

We walked out of the lounge together. Paper hearts and cupids festooned the hallway. Posters advertising both the Valentine Formal and the Candy-gram Sale were plastered every few feet.

I glanced at my reflection in the trophy case we passed, and took stock: white tailored button down, black slacks, wedge ankle booties. "There's nothing wrong with this!"

She linked her arm through mine. "Not if you don't mind being confused with a waitress later."

"You know, sometimes you're a..." The first bell clamored above our heads, censoring my chosen expletive.

Laura snorted. "You know you love me!"

I lowered my voice to a whisper so that the students scurrying by wouldn't hear me. "Sometimes I think the only reason I put up with you is because we shared a bathtub as children."

We stopped in front of my classroom. A few kids were already waiting to go inside. I unlocked the door so they could take their seats.

Laura kept her voice low too. "You know I'm not only your favorite cousin, but I'm also your favorite colleague!"

"Sometimes I think you forget that your role as Guidance Counselor is only meant to pertain to the students."

I raised my hand to stop one of the hockey players as he made his way toward my classroom. "I'm happy you made it on time today Tony!"

"Yeah well Coach Pierce kinda had a talk with me about it." He shrugged.

Laura gave me a little smirk. "Isn't that nice to hear Ms. Giuliani. Our new PE teacher might just replace me as your favorite colleague."

I bit my cheek so I wouldn't say anything in front of Tony that would get repeated amongst the kids. As he looked between myself and Laura, waiting for direction, the second bell rang.

"Whatever the reason, I'm happy for the change. Go take you seat please." He stepped into the room and I turned back toward my cousin.

"Everybody is meeting at Duets at 4:30," she said.

I groaned. "Karaoke. Why?"

She shrugged. "At least it's close enough to your place that you can go home and put on something cuter first."

The students were getting restless behind me. I poked my head through the doorway. "Everyone had better have their copies of Jane Eyre open, and start working on the prompt that's on the board."

Before they quieted down completely I looked back to Laura. "I'll go home first, but only so I can drop my car off." I stuck my tongue out at her.

"Excellent plan! Then Coach Pierce can walk you home later." She wiggled her eyebrows at me as she started walking backwards down the hallway.

At that point she was too far away to say anything back to her without yelling it, so I grabbed my phone from my pocket to text her my response. To my utter shock, there was a notification from Game/Set/Match.

"You're in the Main Draw. He served his shot and the ball is now in your court. Will you approach and volley back?"

My stomach fluttered and my palms itched to see who they had matched me with, but it would have to wait. I sent a quick middle finger emoji to Laura, before shutting my classroom door. The students looked up from their notebooks and laptops.

Gesturing at the quote written on the board, I recited it aloud as I walked across the room.

"And if God had gifted me with some beauty and much wealth, I should have made it as hard for you to leave me, as it is now for me to leave you. I am not talking to you now through the medium of custom, conventionalities, nor even of mortal flesh;—it is my spirit that addresses your spirit; just as if both had passed through the grave, and we stood at God's feet, equal,—as we are!"

I leaned against the edge of my desk. "So tell me, what was so radical about this notion of equality that Jane asserts here? And what do you think about the idea of being equal partners in relationships today versus in Brontë's time?"