This Trophy Isn't Real Love

Chapter 12

Matty knows. Matty - more than ever convincing Jack that she is exactly the right person to be in charge and they are unspeakably lucky to have her as such - took the information that the insidious, overtaking mission was in fact just a cover for ongoing abuse, and moved to address the immediate problem at hand. Processing what had been done to someone Jack knows Matty well enough to know she loves had been shelved in favor of dealing with James and the threat posed by him. Without her talent for compartmentalization, the immediate necessary action pulling focus and energy, it's hard to imagine Riley and Bozer will have the same reaction.

"Mac," Jack says softly, though it sounds unnaturally loud against the backdrop of speechless, heavy air. "Mac, kid, are you with me?"

The young man now slumped against him, entire weight supported by the hold on him in a move of complete trust that honestly scares Jack a bit, stiffens again, tension returning to where it had slowly, painstakingly bled out.

"We've gotta talk about what you want to tell Riley and Bozer," Jack continues. Mac's breathing changes, stuttering into a harsher pattern. It makes Jack worry that all of the progress they've made in getting him to calm down is gone down the drain, and he stops, hand still braced over Mac's back, holding him steady. He doesn't seem like he's going to spiral into a panic attack, and so, after listening to him draw unsteady, distressed breaths, Jack goes on. He doesn't want to, but he has to. It's a problem that's going to come up, and it's better to know before how they're going to handle it.

"We've gotta tell them something," says Jack, careful to keep his voice calm and even. "They're gonna…" See your face. "They'll have questions, and I don't think they'll drop it."

It's with reluctant, slow movements that Mac pulls away and sits up on his own. He leans back against the couch, scrubbing his hands over his face and wincing when his palm disturbs the steri-strip closed split in his lower lip. Everything about him, from his hollowed expression, to the defeated slump of his shoulders, it screams exhaustion. He looks burnt out to the core, and Jack hurts to see it. How tiring it all must have been, not just bearing the abuse, but bearing it alone, keeping it a secret from the people who loved him.

Jack doesn't know whether James had threatened him into keeping quiet or if it was an effect of the ever powerful force of shame, embarrassment and a sense of guilt preventing Mac from telling anyone what was happening to him. Either way, that kind of secret kept for any amount of time is a massive weight to carry, and he has no idea for how long Mac has been carrying it alone.

"The truth," Mac says eventually, sounding just as worn as he looks, and it takes Jack by surprise. He doesn't know what he'd been expecting, but that isn't it. "We'll tell them the truth. I'm not… They're gonna find out anyway, and I won't lie to them about this. I can't lie."

Privately, Jack is immensely relieved by this assertion. He agrees, both with the fact that they'd have found out at some point regardless, and that it was a bad idea to lie, but he had no way of being sure that Mac would agree, would see the merits in confessing such a terrible thing to two of the people he's closest to. Knowing Mac, he'll see it as a burden he's placing on them. He'll see the pain Jack is sure they'll feel when they find out the truth, is sure because he felt it himself, and feel like it's something he's done to them, a fault of his for hurting them.

No matter, they'll deal with that when it happens. For now, Jack is just glad he doesn't have to figure out how to avoid either lying to Riley and Bozer or betraying Mac's trust and telling them a truth that isn't his to tell. He nods, giving a slight smile he hopes is comforting.