C L O S E R || hwang hyunjin

𝑀𝑜𝑟𝑒

My head was lying on Hyunjin's, I felt my heart beating in my chest, my temperature rising, I was sitting under the moon with him, while on our cold, winter trip.

"I think it's when I was on my trip..I remember it speeding up then, it may have started before then but it got worse on the trip." I scratched my head.
"Did you encounter anything that could have caused that? anything out of the normal?" Jisung took a big sip, making the straw sound like it was almost empty.
"Ah..I mean I didn't find any new objects or anything...I, I just felt new things but like," As I was saying that I had heard the bell to the door ring, someone had walked in. I looked to the right beside me to see someone walk right past me and up to the counter.

It was him, even if I didn't want it to be and wanted it to be at the same time. Hyunjin was there. He didn't seem to notice me, so I tried hiding my face. Hyunjin and Jeongin were talking, I couldn't hear what they were saying but Jeongin had a shy smile on his face. Jisung noticed how flustered I was. He looked at me, then back at Hyunjin, then back at me again.
"What...? Something did happen, right? Why are you trying to hide?" Jisung whispered to me. I still haven't mentioned to anyone what I heard, nor did Hyunjin say anything about it either. He didn't explain anything to me, and that is why I felt so embarrassed around him.
I kept taking peeks up at him. I had noticed that Jeongin kept looking over at me, then suddenly Hyunjin turned his head back at me. I immediately looked down, I felt my heart racing, my head spinning, my body heating up. "He saw me, is he just going to ignore me? is he actually going to talk to me? Laugh? Brush me off?" My head raced. I couldn't stop the worries.
"Hey." Jisung stood up and got Hyunjin's attention. He faced him. "What happened between you two? Annie has been so stressed out and I can tell." Jisung shrugged.
"Oh," Hyunjin moved his hair back with his hands. He looked down, and it looked like he had a shy, nervous smile on his face. "Nothing." He muttered.
"Nothing?"
"Nothing?" Jisung spoke my mind. "Then why is she so scared to be around you?" he pointed to me. All I could do was look down. I felt my heart start to pound, start to feel guilty.
"I-" I stood up. "I heard what you said," I spoke directly to Hyunjin. Hyunjin's face looked concerned, worried.
I almost let out frustration at him but then I realized, I couldn't be mad at him. As I looked into his eyes I felt this spark of relief. I made a big sigh. "It's fine, I do understand." I made a gentle smile. I leaned over to grab Jisung's hand, and I led him out of the cafe. I felt the cold wind hit my face as I got outside, I heard the cars and the town noise. I took a deep, cold breath and started to pace around with my hands shoved in my coat pockets.
"Are you okay? You didn't even explain." Jisung shrugged.
"I am fine. I felt like I understood him somehow." I looked up at the night sky. I saw my breath in the air.
"You guys should talk it out or it'll be tense all the time..don't you want to be close to him, still?" Jisung had a soft tone in his voice. I know he was just saying this because he was caring for me as my brother, "and I want that. But, I have to respect him if he doesn't want that." I made a quick smile and started hopping down the street. Jisung followed right behind me. "But, what if he does?"
"I don't think so." I doubted. Even though I didn't want it to be true I somehow felt this feeling of peace. I kept remembering the soft look in his eyes. "This is way different than how we were before at school. I can't pinpoint it. But, when I started to like him is when things started to change." The night soon came to an end. The night flew by without me even blinking, but the whole time Jisung was there.
The thought of Hyunjin was there.
It was hard to sleep, I tossed and turned, for some reason, I couldn't fall asleep. I took out my phone and the light, blinding my eyes. I squinted as I scrolled through my messages. I saw the old messages I had to Hyunjin. I felt tempted to text him. I felt drawn towards him: "Is this why I can't sleep." I muttered to myself. I shook my head then turned my phone back off again. "There's no way." I looked up at the ceiling. It was already almost morning, and yet it still feels like I just laid in bed.
Suddenly my phone lit up.
I quickly looked at it hoping it was Hyunjin. It was Changbin.
I took a big sigh as I read: "How is your Winter Break going? I was wondering if you'd like to hang out with our group tomorrow?"
I was nervous about what he said. "Our group? does he mean Him, Minho, Felix, and...Hyunjin..?" I thought as I held my phone close to my face. I smiled at the thought of being next to Him.
"but." I shook my head out of my fantasy. "He doesn't want to see me." I tried to tell myself.
But, I couldn't say no. I wanted to spend time with them. I tried to focus on the others in my mind, and I wanted to think about other things other than Hyunjin. But, it was hard for me to keep pushing it off.
"Sure." I quickly set a reminder on my phone so I didn't forget the time, I couldn't keep track of time. "Maybe all that Jisung is saying is true.
Maybe I am like Park Jinyoung.
Or whatever his name was."
I sighed to myself as my eyes got droopy. I could barely even focus on what I was thinking about.
"This is not like what I wanted this school year to be at all, why couldn't it just have been like last year?" I asked myself.