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iiⅰ ◦〉"spring" 〉𝔯𝔲𝔢 & 𝔩𝔢𝔵𝔦

"I missed you."

Rue's eyes bulged, she'd never seen her so open before.

"You—missed me?"

"I know it's stupid, but yeah."

"No, it's not stupid. Honestly, I missed you too."

Lexi's kicked the gravel of the playground under her feet, absolutely stuck on what to say next. That wasn't really a new habit for her.

"I don't really know what to call this. But I don't really mind anything anymore. I think that's why I wasn't angry at you when you were—you know—in that vulnerable place. I felt really guilty every time I enabled you, but I wanted to do something. Be apart of something."

"Do you think that's why you put up with me even when you didn't need to? It was better than doing nothing?"

"Well damn-asking the deep questions today!"

Lexi shook her head, getting back on topic, "But yeah, I guess. Something like that. Everyone in school was horrible to you, and I didn't want to be like that. But I don't think I was that big of a help, either."

"It's not really my place to ask, I just wanna know why-so I can at least not make this...us...so one sided."

Lexi was beaming. Rue was just grateful she could be around her again.

"So, I think it was around the time me and Cassie were younger. She'd always been the bright light everyone notices first. I wasn't really all that important."

Rue's lips shut tight, as much as she wanted to interrupt her to disagree.

"My dad is AWOL, and Cassie's just-above it all, you know? She never seemed affected by Dad leaving at all. Cass has her little friend group, and I'm their friends, but not really. I'm never first. And I don't know if it's because I'm awkward and quiet, or I'm just not interesting like them-"

Another hesitant pause. One that meant Lexi was done speaking, not because she finished her thought, but because she didn't know what to say next. Rue took that as a sign to finish the talking.

"Quiet people are interesting," Rue said.

"The writers and poets and Sylvia Plath's of the world, probably."

"But not too quiet," Rue whispered, tapping her forehead with her finger, "The weird ones get high out in alleyways so they can see Van Gogh colors when they blink."

Lexi fell silent. Rue tried not to laugh watching the color drain from her face.

"That was a joke. You can laugh, Lex."

"Oh, hehe, you scared me for a sec."

"I just-I don't want you to feel like you have to suppress anything to please me, Lexi. It's how I acted when I was trying to push everyone away, and you shouldn't have to be that unhappy."

"Well, that's very sweet," Lexi said, clasping her hands at her heart. "But who says I'm unhappy? I'm fine."

For a second, Rue wanted to bite her lip until it bled and curse herself out, if only she couldn't startle her. Lexi's voice cracked in the god awful way a person only does when they're on the brink of crying the moment they're left alone.

Depression kept Rue on autopilot most of the time, and she hadn't really known what it was like to be happy without drugs-she always wondered what magic power Lexi was using to stay so afloat despite how Rue had pushed her to the sidelines and denied her help. Maybe it was those blue-grey sweaters with the balloon graphics she always wore, serotonin probably floating out of Lexi's body.

Typically, Rue would assume if someone was in trouble, sadness consumed and controlled their every thought.

That probably didn't apply to Lexi, but she was definitely caging herself in, tight enough to put on a happy face Rue didn't recognize. And that wasn't really any way to live.

"Nothing. I don't-I'm just saying. I want you to be happy. You don't have to spill your entire diary if we're gonna hang out, I just want you to know I'm always here."

"Same here."

"You do know what same here means, don't you, Lexi?"

There's that wince again-Lexi falling into a frown, then a wide smile forcing its way on her face that didn't match the blankness clouding her eyes. She always looked uncertain, even if she tried to seem relaxed with her shoulders stiff like icicles.

Rue realizes just how much of a hypocrite she's being, with how she was a few feet away and in a puddle of her own self pity during that apology.

Her best move-save from being a coward-is pulling a "Lexi," placing her hand on the other girl's shoulder. The cold, distant Lexi out of Rue's grasp has all but disappeared, and for the first time today, Rue can't help but gush seeing a true smile on Lexi's face.

"You don't need to do anything for me anymore if makes you uncomfortable. No more drug tests, no more going along and doing things with me if you honestly don't want to. I'll listen, but you have to let me know if things aren't okay."

"I promise, Rue."

Just like old times.

And just like when they were kids, Lexi took Rue's hand, following her all the way home. Rue's house was just within reach, and Lexi's never felt so home at someone else's place in so long. Rue never let her go, even when they'd finally run up the Bennett's stairs and it would've just been safer to leave her grasp for those small seconds.

Rue's entire mission is to be a friend, and Lexi's as long as possible.

The start of spring bleeding into summer begins with Rue showing Lexi all her newest vinyls, and them dancing around in the purple neon lights to Melodrama and whatever music fit their teen years to a T.

Even when Lexi knows it's late and probably time for her to go home, Rue's all but ecstatic for her to stay.

The start of spring bleeding into summer is when Lexi crashes, long after Rue's hushed Gia and their mom to let them know she's sleeping there, and that she's already phoned Ms. Howard to let her know.

Her mom is just happy to know that for the first time in months, the girl who's been collapsed to tears over Jules Vaughn has finally picked herself up, and even if they're just friends for now, Rue's happy.

Rue loves it-getting to sleep next to Lexi, smiling herself to death tonight knowing both of them are happy.