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iiⅰ ◦〉"spring" 〉𝔯𝔲𝔢 & 𝔩𝔢𝔵𝔦

"Of course. For you, I always do."

Lexi and Rue had known the streets of the suburbs they lived in inside and out, and planned on walking past the houses and streets they hadn't seen before, having no real destination. They silently agreed on walking wherever they could have privacy.

They made it to the corner between the left back to Lexi's, and the road straight ahead toward Rue's when Lexi stopped in her tracks and spoke again. Her face gleamed in the bright sunlight, basking in the humid air before facing Rue.

"So things are good, you're doing better. That's nice. Um, what else did you want to talk about?"

"You, actually. I just-I think I've been a shit friend. Like-demonically shitty to you...so I came to apologize."

"Oh, wow," Lexi said. She held her hands stiffly at her sides, "I'm really at a loss here. For what, exactly?"

"The bathroom thing. The roller skate thing. The party thing. A lot of things, which I'd add on if I didn't want to look like an idiot-"

"Oh-you don't have to—I appreciate it, but that's okay Rue. You weren't doing so well. I know you didn't mean it."

Lexi's hand found its way to Rue's shoulder, much to Rue trying not to squirm away. Her mother did the same thing when Rue closed herself out from the world and locked herself in her addictions. As comforting as Lexi probably thought it was, Rue didn't feel any safer being pitited into pretending she hadn't fucked up.

"No, that's the thing, Lexi. I meant it. And I didn't feel bad when I snapped at you, because I didn't care about anything."

Rue hits at the sides of her head with clamped up fists, before finally exhaling and calming down. Lexi is as listless as ever, giving her nothing but those sad, worried puppy eyes Rue can't help but beat herself down over and apologize for.

"I-I'm not here to vent to you, or have you feel sorry for me when I don't deserve it. I don't want you to forgive me if it means you have to act like it never hurt you. Not myself, not you, not anyone. But I know I probably-no, scratch that, I did hurt you. I fucked you over really bad."

Lexi's usually one for eye contact when she's worried. But facing Rue while she's moments away from either crying or screaming at herself is more than she can handle right now, so she looks up at the sky above them. She almost wants to ask if Rue never cared about Jules either, but biting her lip while Rue struggles to speak the right words is more her style.

Rue just needs a friend.

All Lexi wants is to be wanted. In a confusing, screwy way, that means letting the Rue aching to make up for everything from last year do and say whatever she needs.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

◦⋆∗⋆◦⋆∗⋆◦

"I did a lot of fucked up shit to a lot of people, and I didn't even know or care last year. I meant everything I said even if I wasn't sober half the time. But now it's all just blown up in my face, and I deserve it. I was a completely different person. I made you piss for all my stupid drug tests, and I treated you like trash when you tried to call me out on my shit and check in. And I—actually...that's it. So I wanted to say I'm sorry. And thank you."

Lexi and Rue had naturally made their way to the neighborhood swingsets by this time, a place they hadn't remembered visiting together since they were 10. The swings were absolutely too low and too small for them, but they sat there anyway.

Rue needed another place to air out all her sins to Lexi as if they were in church, and she was amazed they'd gotten to talking this far.

Lexi took her words in all at once, and for a split second, wanted to reach out her hand and embrace Rue's. But looking at her-Rue hugging her body tightly to the chains of the swing, her legs pressing into the ground just so she's a far from Lexi as the swing will let her be. Rue is molting, hiding in plain sight, and unbearably ashamed.