The name is Ricky

Chapter 3

Ricky's pov.
I could hear someone talking to me. Again. It had been like this for a while now. Darkness all around me and voices now and then. Other voices then the voices in my head. Those voices had haunted me since I was a kid. I took pills for it and then they would only be whispers, but they were there. I had learnt to live with it, but I never told my bandmates. Only my parents and sister knew about it and I knew that they would never tell anyone. I saw a light and tried to reach it. As soon as I touched it I could hear clearly. I couldn't open my eyes yet. I groaned. 'Ricky?' Someone asked. It sounded like Simon. 'Si?' I said in disbelieve. 'Ooh Ricky! He said and he cried. I didn't undedstand why. I could finally open my eyes. Tears were streaming down Simon's face. 'What is wrong?' I ask him. 'I'm just so happy that you finally woke up.' he says. 'You were in a coma for 4 months and we tought you were never going to wake up again.' Simon says and I smile at him. 'I'm here now, so don't worry.' I say to him. 'Well, there might be a problem. They kicked you out of the band.' Simon says and I start to cry. The band was everything for me. 'Why?' I ask. 'Because you were doing drugs. They said they didn't want to hang out with a druggie. What would people think of them? They are talking rubbish if you tell me. You are still you and I don't care about it. You must have had a reason. And they weren't very happy about the suicide attempt. They were here once and never came since.' Simon says. 'I promise I'll stop. I just want to be friends again.' I say. 'I know that. And I tried talking to them. But they didn't listen to me. I guess you have to talk to them yourself. I will call them now and maybe they'll come.' Simon says and pulls his phone out of his pocket. He calls someone and waits until that person picks up. 'Hi Whitey, Simon here. Ricky woke up. And he wants to talk to you guys.' Simon says and he stays quiet for a minute. 'Okay, see you in a minute. Will you tell Peanut? Then I'll call Vijay.' Simon says. there follows a bye a few seconds later and he moves his phone from his ear to call Vijay. They have a similar conversation and when he hung up he turned to me again. 'They are on their way. I'll go look for a nurse to say that you're awake.' Simon says and walks away again. I need to get out of here soon. I owed a guy a lot of money and he would easily hurt the ones I love to get it. A nurse walked back in and Simon trailed behind her. She checked a few things and then looked at me. 'How are you feeling?' She askes me. I get anxious and try to get away. 'It's alright Rick.' Simon says. "I'm fine." I say and the nurse nods. "No pain or anything?" I shake my head. Then I suddenly notice the scar across my wrist. It looked very ugly. How was I ever going to cover it up? I started to panic and Simon noticed. I had always had anxiety but I had gotten a lot better. It were mostly the voices that made me panic over almost nothing. Yes Charles, we will never leave you. I heard. The voices. They always called me by my real name. It was one of the reasons I wanted everyone to call me Ricky. Coward. I tried to ignore it but failed. You are weak. I heard the door open and tried to focus on the people coming in. They hate you. You know that. You know that the band is over. You're poison to them. Ruining their lives. It was to much. I turned and pressed my head into the pillow. How could I make them stop? Right now dead seemed better than the voices in my head. I tried to silence them, but it didn't work. It was hopeless. you are hopeless. "No, let it stop!" I thought. But I didn't only think it, I said it out loud. 'Let what stop Ricky?' Simon asked me. "The voices!" I yelled. 'He is mental.' Peanut said. I hadn't even noticed them coming in. See, you are mental. "No, I'm not!' I yell. You are the one hearing voices. that means you're mental. "Stop!" I yell and I feel a hand on my arm. 'Ricky, here are your pills.' A nurse tells me and holds out a cup with 2 pills in it and another with some water. I take them from her and swallow them. I give them back and wait for the pills to work. I'll be back. It is only a whisper now. I look back at Simon. "What was that about?" He asks me. "Ever since I was a little kid I had these voices in my head. The pills help." I say. "So you really are mental?" Peanut asks me. "Yeah..." I say quietly. I never liked talking about it, and only my parents and sister knew about it. But they were dead now. "Why did you never tell me?" Simon suddenly asks. "We have been friends since we were 8 or so." he looks hurt. "I'm sorry. I just didn't want anyone apart from my sister and parents to know about it. What if you had accidently said anything? Or we could have had a fight and you could tell everyone. I just couldn't risk it!" I yell at him, a bit suprised at my outburst. Si looks shocked too. "I'm sorry." I say. "But why did you kick me out of the band?" I ask. "well, look at yourself. You are a druggie and mental. You can't preform like that." peanut says. "I've always been mental and I promise that I'll go to rehab." I say, hoping that they will take me back. "We'll think about it." whitey says and he stands up and walks out. Everyone but simon follows him. "Please stay." I say. "I'm not going anywhere." Si says. I feel my eyes close and I fall back asleep.