Follow me, I'm lost too...

Introduction

Sitting on a comfortable enough couch of an unfamiliar house, I decide to break the silence.

"So...I guess this is the part where I introduce myself huh?" I shrug.

"If you wanna.." the redhead boy lazily tells me staring blankly at the corner of the carpet.

"I just thought that you maybe want to know me or a bit about myself since you're letting me stay with you" I reply.

"Is there anything we should know bout ya?" he says with the same bored tone as before.

"Well I don't have a criminal record if that's what you're implying" I say back.

"Oi trust me we wouldn't care, see that dude in the back with the lighter in his hands?" a girl named Clare points at a guy with black hair in the back of the room, "well he has a criminal record but we all know here that he's some fine young lad with a really kind heart" she says proudly.

Before I get to reply she says: "Forget the last part, if he finds out I said that, I'm dead" seeing my wide open eyes she quickly adds: "not literally of course" and winks.

And I relax my tensed muscles. I wasn't going to judge the lad, but knowing that I'll be sharing a house with a possible killer made me shiver a little.

Usually I am a really open minded person but today it is not so usual day for me since just a few hours ago I was stopped by Clare from jumping of a bridge.

Yes my intention today was to kill myself. And yes I woke up in the morning and said oh I really don't have any plans for today why don't I kill myself.

Literary.

Okay maybe I had this unhappy feeling inside of me for a long time now and maybe I was thinking about doing it all this time now. But I never actually planned it. Maybe that's why it didn't work, cause Clare found me just in time. And maybe it was the best thing possible to happen.

Maybe.

Reason? Well, no reason at all. Okay it's probably cause I'm an extremely emotional kid who felt sorry for myself. God how stupid is that? Every teenage girl is extremely emotional and everyone has their own problems! As I'm typing this I realize that I might be the most pathetic person I've ever known.

Okay let's find a reason now.

Did my parents abuse me? Nope never. Do I have a serious health problem? Hmm other than I'm patheticly stupid and insanely f*cked in the head, nope I'm perfectly healthy. Did any member of my family die or have incurable health problem? No, not that either. Do I have a life that I'm not proud of? Last time I checked, no. Did the "love of my life" die in a car accident? Show me that "love of my life" and I'll pretend I'm devastated. Did my company bankrupt? Not really. Did I get raped? Yeah I wish! Ok just kidding. But I'm trying to find a logical explanation to give an end to my life.

Ok let's try with the usual teenage girl reasons.

Did my boyfriend of two weeks cheat on me with my bff? Haha no! Does my idol not follow me on Twitter? Seriously?! Did I get in a fight with my parents and they won't let me go to prom? We don't even do proms here. Am I unpopular? I don't think so. Did I get sick of the bully dunking my head in the school toilet? Personally I've never seen a bully doing that. I don't know if it does happen but I think it's sick. Anyway moving on... Am I ugly? I wouldn't say so. Okay I'm not the most beautiful girl in the word but I don't know what ugly means cause I've never seen a person that should be called that (just not good looking). Am I fat? Even if I was I would try to do something about it.

So there you have it. No specific reason. It's funny actually, I don't have a specific reason for a serious decision. The biggest decision of my life. The decision to end my life.

How stupid is that?

But let me introduce myself at least to you since the rest of the household don't even bother to care. Maybe if you get to know me you could see how I see. Maybe you think I'm pathetic just like I do and maybe you don't like me now the same way I don't like myself, but if you and I get to know me there's a slightly chance that we could get to find the roots to knowing ourselves.

Let's take that reason for now. That I don't like and know myself.

"Hey" a sudden but warm, deep and smooth voice wakes me up. "Are you gonna tell us your name or what?!" the black haired guy askes me with a kind smile still holding that lighter.

"Maria" I say staring at his bright light blue eyes. "Maria Rose".

"That's a very unusual name" he jokes with his smile still plastered on his handsome face. "I'm Kyle"

"An unusual name for an unusual girl like me" I say meaning I'm a common girl and he laughs.

"Oh Maria, I don't think you're that unusual" he replies and with that he heads to out of the room leaving me with a grin.

Okay perhaps I don't have to introduce myself now to you but : My name is Maria Rose and I just realized that killing myself would me the biggest mistake of my life. And the last.