Ramdam ko ang sakit sa bawat daliri ng magkabilaang kamay ko. Nagsisimula na silang mamanhid habang patuloy pa rin ako sa pagtingin sa piece na nakalagay sa harapan ng piano habang tinutugtog ito.
Saglit akong huminto at napahawak sa kamay ko.
"Hands on the key!" bulyaw sa akin ng instructor ko nang mapansing huminto ako.
I saw how my mom looked at me from a far while she's reading a newspaper.
Mabilis kong binalik ang kamay ko sa piano na nasa harapan ko at tinuloy ang pagtugtog.
Sa mga sandaling ito ay gusto ko nang humiyaw sa sakit. It's almost two hours since we started to practice the Turkish March of Beethoven. My fingers are already swollen.
My instructor scold me again when I forget one key.
Takot na takot muli akong napatingin sa aking ina upang tingnan kung galit na ba ito. I took a deep breath when someone caught her attention. The man in his twenty's walked towards her.
"Again! From the start."
Nagpakawala muli ako ng malalim na hininga bago magsimula. But she cut me off again.
"Hands on lap, first!"
Galit na sabi ng instructor ko nang dumiretso ako agad sa pagtugtog.
When I looked at my mom, she's glaring at me while the man in front of him is saying something. Napansin ng binata ang tingin sa akin ng aking ina kaya napatingin din siya sa akin.
It's not my first time seeing Gregory Jackson in our place. He is discussing some business with mom that I don't even know what. Basta ang alam ko ay madalas siyang pumupunta sa lugar namin. He's a young successful engineer that everyone knows in our city. His look says it all: money, power and women. He has everything.
"Focus, Elise!"
Natauhan ako nang marinig ko na naman ang bulyaw sa akin ng instructor ko.
I saw how Gregory arched his brow to me but erased it as soon as mom looked at him.
I started playing again.
Gregory Jackson is one of the intimidated persons that I know. Whenever he is near or around, I always get conscious about myself for I don't know reason. Sa mga titig niya sa akin, I can't help but to ask myself if I done something wrong that makes him look at me with those cold stares.
I stopped in the middle of the piece.
"I c-can't do it anymore..." sabi ko kay Ms. Jo, ang instructor ko.
Lumapit siya sa akin.
"How could you say that, Elise! Your recital is in June!"
Nakita kong napatayo si mommy at may sinabi saglit kay Gregory na ikinatango na lamang ng binata. He looked at me.
Binaba ko ang tingin ko nang lumapit sa amin si mommy. Puno ng disappointment ang kanyang mata.
"What is it?" rinig kong tanong niya.
"Ayaw niya na raw, Ma'am." Ms. Jo.
Umangat ako ng tingin at sinalubong ang nanlilisik na mata ng aking ina.
"Do you want to disappoint my audience in your upcoming recital, Elise, huh?"
Hinawakan ko ang sumasakit kong kamay at mga daliri.
"It hurts, mom..." bulong ko.
Subalit kahit ano pang idahilan ko, kung gusto niya ay wala akong magagawa. She's my mom. I know her very well. She is really strict when it comes to this. Lalo pa't may recital na ako sa June at marami na siyang bigating tao na inimbita upang panoorin akong tumugtog. If you think the recital is for me, no. I won't gain any incentives from it. All the gifts are not worth to open. All the applause and praises are hard to believe. I know the secret of my mom and her investors. She wants me to do recitals to gain money, to get money from the audience and to lured shareholders in our company. At syempre, sa pag-imbita niya sa mga bigating tao she is not the only one who will payoff, her audiences as well. It is a win-win for them.
