The Choices We Make

Chapter 5

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DJ

When Yanna asked if he wanted to join her for her weekly check-up after recovering from the shock of her cousin leaving, DJ was too elated to think twice. At the clinic, he was introduced to the doctor as the baby’s father, not Yannie’s partner, and he ignored the sting of feeling like he was only a sperm donor who happened to be at the check-up. But it was soon obliterated when Yanna said she was changing her birth companion from Rhea to him. It was a privilege to witness one of the natural wonders of the human body. And to witness his own child being born? He didn’t have words to verbalize his emotions.

None of his cousins who gave birth in Tarlac were allowed to have birthing companions even in private hospitals they chose. According to their doctors, they’ve had experience when the birthing companion passed out in the operating room during the process and thus, didn’t want to deal with similar situations. Perhaps it was different in Manila. And he was glad Yanna decided to give birth in the city.

“You look happy,” Yanna observed while he prepared their lunch spread on the coffee table in her unit. Thankfully, she didn’t put up a fight when he practically invited himself over.

“I am,” he said, avoiding her studious gaze because he knew Yanna could read him well. If he looked her straight in the eye, she’d see and feel how intensely he wanted doing this. If the pot of tinola he cooked early in the morning wasn’t an indication of his intention, the last thing he wanted was for her to feel pressured or worse, ask for another time away, just like the last time when he prematurely proposed to her.

Either way though, DJ was determined to make the most out of what’s left of his vacation waiting on Yanna and the baby. And as soon as he goes back to work in seven days, he’d have a lengthy discussion with his manager to request for an extended leave. Or perhaps discuss his impending paternity leave since the OB confirmed that Yanna could go into labor at any moment. 

He was going to do whatever it takes to be by her side in time for their baby’s arrival.

“Thank you,” Yanna said, after finishing two servings of tinola. “For everything, DJ.”

“It’s nothing. I happened to cook more than I could eat by myself,” he lied and he knew that Yanna was aware judging by the little snort she made. “Can...Can I feel the baby?” he asked after a while.

With an understanding smile, Yanna patted the space beside her on the couch. “Come here.”

DJ wiped his hands on his pants and breathed before taking the space beside her. Ever so slowly, he sank on the sofa while Yanna took a sip from a glass of cold water. 

“Oh, there he is,” Yanna smiled after a little jerk as she took DJ’s hand and splayed it over a distended part of her belly.  “Hi baby,” she whispered. “Here’s your dad. Come on, greet your dad with a little--good job, Bub!” She beamed at him, wide-eyed and excited. “Did you feel it?”

He bobbed his head in sheer awe, moving his hand a bit and felt a gentle push as if the baby was reaching out to him. Without removing his hand, DJ dropped to the floor, positioned himself between her legs and rested his left ear against her belly. “Hi there, buddy,” he greeted with a shaky voice. “Daddy’s here. I’m so excited to meet you soon.”

“Wow, he likes you,” she said, amazed and unfazed by the intimacy in the position they assumed. “He has never moved around this much.” As if to agree, the baby moved against his palm again.

“That’s a good sign, isn’t it?”

“Yes, yes, it is.”

They stayed that way for a long time--DJ on the floor, his head on her lap while she leaned back on the couch. Soon, he felt her fingers running through his hair, massaging his scalp. And then she started to talk. She shared that she counted the baby’s kicks early in the morning and whenever she drank cold water or ate something sweet. He appreciated that she indulged him and actually gave him the liberty to touch her belly once in a while as she dozed off for an afternoon nap. More than once, he whispered to the baby and it would slightly move, as if relishing the conversation with him.

There was an urge to stay in her unit to ensure he was around in case she needed him now that she was alone. Or simply to enjoy the liberty to feel the baby moving against her belly, under the palm of his hands. But he didn’t want to overstay his welcome either.

To his dismay, she didn’t stop him when he bid her good night. But they exchanged numbers and DJ lapped up the invitation she extended that he was welcome to drop by the next day if he felt like it.

Upon reaching his unit, he attended to some urgent work issues until late in the evening before doing some light research on what fathers usually did for the baby before it was born. He came across the article recommending for the partners to attend to the mothers’ needs instead of doting on the baby. Because upon birth, everyone’s attention would be on the newborn, leaving the tired, aching mothers unattended.

To him, it made perfect sense.

As if to stress this, he remembered what the mothers among his relatives said. That when a baby is born, so is a mother. And though giving birth is a natural thing, motherhood is a long and arduous journey that can prove challenging even to a strong woman. Because no amount of research or preparation —physically, mentally, financially—will be enough for a mother once the baby is out.

Perhaps Yanna had prepared everything for their son. But had she thought about her well-being as soon as the baby was out?

The light online research led from one article to another until DJ fell asleep once again on Kyle’s couch. 

He knew something was wrong when he woke up with a start early in the morning.

DJ’s chest constricted and there was an unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach. Without any further thoughts, he got up, got dressed and decided to go to Yanna’s unit.

Only to find her locking her door, a huge luggage behind her. She was red in the face, and one of her hands was splayed over her stomach. It looked like she'd be gone for a month or longer.

Panic rose in his chest, rendering him speechless. Was she going to ghost on him again?

"Hi." She tried to crack a smile, but her lips quivered.

With a swallow, he leveled his voice, stopping himself from jumping to conclusions. “Yanna, where are you going?" 

“I'm on my way to the hospital. I sent you a message but I thought you might still be asleep."

His chest seized. True, he had not checked his phone yet. Heck, he didn't even have it with him. "Is it time for another check-up?" he asked instead, walking up to her and taking her clammy hand.

She shook her head. "He...hasn’t moved this morning…” she said and DJ didn’t miss the slight tremble in her voice.

He dropped to his knees, laid his hands and pressed his left ear on her belly. “Hi buddy, you doing okay in there?” When there was no response, he looked up, mirroring her worried gaze. “Did you call your OB?”

A frantic nod was all she could manage, it seemed. 

DJ rose to his full height and held her hand tight. “Good. Let’s go straight to the ER, okay? Don’t worry, the baby will be fine. I just know it.” He held on to her hand and took the luggage from her other hand as he led the way.

A car which she had apparently booked was already waiting when they reached the lobby. Thankfully, it was only six in the morning so they reached the hospital in under fifteen minutes.

They were endorsed to an OB-GYN on duty while waiting for Yanna’s preferred OB. But after another internal exam, listening to the baby’s heartbeats twice through the doppler and the doctors’ silent conversation over the phone, one thing was sure. The baby was in distress. 

The phone was put on loud speaker and her doctor who was already on the road to the hospital spoke loud and clear. They were given several instructions but he could only remember the last statement: “You’ll have to undergo Caesarian section. ASAP.”