"Mr Shelby here's your tea," I placed a cup of black tea that was poured into delicate china on Tommy's mahogany table that was piled with monotonous piles-of tedious paperwork.
Tommy looked up from his work and gave a small nod.
"And where would I be without you y/n" he sighed lighting a cigarette. Oh how I wish he'd stop those horrid cancer sticks that are literally sucking the life out of him.
"Oh Mr Shelby I'm sure you'd live," I laughed, my face flushing at his compliment.
The thing is, Mr Shelby was my boss and I was his secretary - it was obvious he placed a lot of trust in me as every night before we would close up he'd stay with me and talk about his day and his plans for business. We would always have polite conversations over a glass of whiskey towards the end of the night to loosen up and relax after a hard day of labour.
One night I was leaning against his desk and he was sitting in front if me - our legs touching. We talked the usual and then he changed our normal topic of conversation to something rather personal.
"Are you seeing anyone at the minute y/n"
I smirked and took a sip from my whiskey.
"No Thomas, are you still with that Irish girl?"
Tommy looked down at his glass and sighed "she left me,"
I felt sorry for him because he looked quite devastated still, but I couldn't help but be ecstatic at the fact he was seeing no one!
"Too bad,"
There was a moments silence before tommy got up to refill his glass, but as he stood up our faces were almost touching.
I let out a nervous laugh and he just stared into my eyes.
Ever so slowly he leaned in even more so our foreheads are touching
"Tommy..."
"Shut up y/n" he immediately smashed his lips on mine and kissed me feverishly.
"Tommy-"
"You have no idea how long I've waited," he continued to kiss me and I let him, I kissed his as forcefully and passionately as I could.....
Within an hour after everything, I was buttoning my blouse again.
I looked at my pocket watch and gasped "god it's 1 o'clock tommy,"
Tommy, putting on his trousers just sighed and said "I'll walk you home,"
I nodded and we closed up the office and made our way down the streets.
Once we arrived at my door, I turned to Tommy and kissed him again.
"Do you want to come in Mr Shelby?" I smirked and he let out a small laugh
"As tempting as it is I have to pass, I have to get home," I nodded and wished him good night.
Was I over my head? Did he just use me or does he actually love me?
Over the next couple of months our relationship blossomed.
Tommy was staying most nights and my house and we did everything together.
He started talking about business plans and kept me in the loop about everything going on.
I even developed a close brotherly relationship with John, we were the same age we bonded very well and when Tommy was away I always spent time at the Garrison chatting to John.
After a year together I knew Tommy was the one, And I was confident he felt the same way.
That was until one night Tommy was away somewhere - he never said where and I had decided to just relax with a book in front of the fire and read till my heart was content.
An abrupt knock in the door startled me and I glanced at the clock. Tommy would always just walk in he'd never knock and who would be calling at eleven at night?
I approached the door and carefully opening it revealed a young blonde haired woman in dazzling silk clothes.
"I'm looking for Thomas Shelby," her Irish accent was distinct. This was Grace.
"He's not here at the moment, can I take a message,"
"Tell him it's urgent and I need him to meet me,"
"Why?" I pressed curious to know.
"Who are you?" She asked, remaining calm but her sharp tone indicated her impatience.
"His girlfriend," I emphasised girlfriend and I could see the shock on her face.
"Tommy has a girlfriend..?"
"You're looking at her yes," I folded my arms across my chest.
"Thomas never told me about you,"
"I was with him after you left,"
"Sorry last month when I seen Thomas he never mentioned you,"
I looked at her confused. What did she mean Tommy never met with Grace he never mentioned it.
"Thomas never mentioned you when he came looking for me, he never mentioned you when he took me out in London last month," she tried to make herself look intimidating by spewing out these claims. Tommy would never cheat on me he loved me...didn't he?
"Thomas never mentioned you when he kissed me, when he made-"
"Enough!" I shout. I look at her and her smug face and I Slap her as hard as I can.
"Move out of my way," I pushed her out of the way and made my way down to the Garrison. Tommy never mentioned where he was going but I had no doubt it was to the Garrison with the boys for drinks.
I walk into the bar and scan the crowded place for Tommy.
"I'm looking for Thomas Shelby!" I shout out trying to address the men. But they ignore me.
I hastily pull out my gun and shoot the roof 2 times to grab their attention. A few men jumped and ducked under the table.
"I said, where the fuck is Tommy Shelby,"
One man pointed down to the room but the door quickly opened and the Shelby boys came out quickly after hearing the gunshots.
John looked confused and Arthur just stared thinking what the fuck was I doing. And tommy, he was just expressionless as usual.
"Everybody out," Arthur shouted and within seconds the pub was cleared.
"What the fuck is wrong with you y/n" John laughed, trying to ease the tension.
I walked over to Tommy never breaking eye contact and smacked him across the face. I caught him off guard, but he never flinched, Arthur tensed when I hit his brother but John held him back and whispered he was must've done something.
"Why..." my voice automatically wavered and caused me to choke back in tears - the reality hitting me.
"Why did you sleep with Grace?" Tommy's expressionless face turned to confusion after I accused him.
"Y/n it's not-"
"Don't fucking lie to me Thomas she's here and she told me, now you tell me the truth,"
"Y/n it was only a few times it didn't mean anything!" He exclaimed, disregarding his Cheating as if he did nothing wrong.
"A few times? How long had this been going on for?" I asked dangerously quietly, John and Arthur looked disgusted at their brother, Arthur having to chat John into not hitting him.
"4 months," he said "and I'm sorry y/n, I love you not her," he went in to hug me but I put my hands up in defence.
"How can you be so calm about this?" I shouted. "Thomas why did you do this to me why didn't you tell me!"
He remained silent.
"I hate you Thomas," I spat, my blood boiling.
"I hate everything about you, you disgust me. I pity Grace. Yes I pity her for thinking there is some ounce of decency in you but there is nothing but a horrible cold empty shell of a man who doesn't give a shit about anyone but himself!" I screamed I grabbed the glass of whiskey and threw it at the wall in anger.
John came to put his arms on my shoulders to calm me but I shrugged him off, "no John please,"
"Y/n I didn't mean it, I'm sorry I hurt you I don't care about that bitch," Tommy finally declared.
"Then why did you sleep with her when you were with me!" I protested.
"I don't know y/n but I know I messed up and I know we can fix this," he came slowly towards me, John stood protectively beside me.
"Oh fuck off Tommy," John growled, Tommy looked at him and came closer.
I stared at Tommy.
"I quit my job, and I'm getting in the next fucking train out of here and going as far away as I can from you," I seethed and stormed out of the Garrison.
When I returned home Grace was sitting in my doorstep.
I pulled out my gun and pointed it at her.
"Move the fuck away from my house,"
Grace looked up and quickly pulled out her small handgun from her purse. We stared at each other both guns pointed at each other's head.
"I will shoot you Grace I don't want to but I will," I spat edging closer.
"And I'll shoot you too y/n I'd happily let you die if it meant I get Tommy,"
I scoffed "dont you see, you already have him," tears slipped down my face and I lowered my gun, Graces gun still pointed at my head.
Suddenly a voice called my Name and I turned around to see Tommy, who ran towards me, noticing Grace he stopped and analysed the situation.
"Tommy-" Grace started but tommy interrupted her.
"Don't point that fucking gun at y/n" he snapped at her. She stared hard at him but refused to lower the gun.
"Tommy I don't want to talk," I muttered.
"I know but y/n I'm so sorry for everything. I was confused, I was wrong and stupid and I promise I will only love you and only be with you,"
"Tommy..." I mumble trying to collect my thoughts although I was pretty distracted as a gun was still pointed at my head. Graces hand started to shake in rage.
"You bitch," she exclaimed and with that she fired the gun and I just dropped.
Tommy's PoV:
I grabbed y/n as she fell to the ground, immediately dead in my arms. I let out a strangled cry as I seen the blood rush form her head. Her lifeless eyes bore into me. How could I have done this to her. I was stupid and now Grace shot the love of my life?
I looked up to Grace who was shaking.
"God Tommy I didn't know why I did that oh god please tell me she's alive tommy," she stammered, she dropped the gun and started hyperventilating. I let out another sob as I looked at y/n. I broke her, I was he reason-she was dead. I hated myself and I'll never forgive myself I know that.
"Grace," I spat looking at her in hatred.
"Get the fuck out of Birmingham before I kill you," I said lowly but intimidating. Grace nodded and grabbed her purse and bag and ran as fast as she could.
I looked down to y/n again "I'm so sorry I never meant to hurt you, I love you y/n I do," I sobbed again until my chest ached.
What I did was Unforgivable.
I was the reason she died
I am the reason all of this happened
And I hate myself for it.
