Bughead oneshots

I can't do this anymore

Trigger warning

Betty's POV

Today, like everyday, I went to the ninth circle of hell aka school.

The golden boy of Riverdale High, Jughead Jones and his group: Reggie, Archie and basically all the Bulldogs pushed past me and Jughead said, "Hey, you are in my way but I guess Miss Fatty here can't help it, what did you eat yesterday? It feels like you've gained, I don't know, ten pounds? You should just stop eating." And all the others just watched and laughed. I wouldn't say it felt good, especially since I haven't eaten anything except some salad for a few months but I don't really feel hungry, I just need to get less fat and ugly. That's my top priority. Besides, I had gotten used to it for a very long time by now anyways.

And the day went on like every other day, Jughead pushing me around, insulting me, calling me names with his friends.

Then I went home. Mum was out of town. She always was.  And Dad was... I didn't know, I had never met him.

Then, there's a knock on my window, "Hey Juliet, nurse off duty?" I smiled at that voice and opened my window, "Juggy," I said. He kissed me and whispered in my ear, "I love you so much, baby, how should I make it up to you today? You look more beautiful every time I see you." That's how I got through every day, a romance with my very own devil in the ninth circle of hell. Every night, he'd say sweet things to me, say that he loved me and you know what's the most pathetic thing here? I believed in him every time I looked into his eyes and then we'd make love. He'd caress me like he thinks I am really beautiful. Then we'd cuddle, and I'd forget everything he did to me at school and fell harder for him every day because I was just a girl who is stupidly and hopelessly in love with the golden boy. But when the morning comes, he'd be gone and he'd just started treating me like he did every day because he had a 'reputation' to keep. And I just got more depressed, day by day.

The next day, I prepared for hell, again. But what I saw when I stepped in there wasn't what I expected, it was Jug, making out with Veronica Lodge. Jughead Jones had done a lot of things to me, but cheating wasn't one of them. Everything hurt. I gave him my everything and I wasn't even anything close to enough for him. I felt like everything around me is blurred. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. I couldn't make a sound.

Then the next thing I know is that I was at the hospital.

The doctor said that I had a panic attack. And that I have anxiety, eating disorder and possibly depression. They needed to run a few more tests to confirm it. Another reason I fainted was that I didn't have enough nutrition. They were going to give me some meds then I can go. But those information didn't really catch my attention. All I had on my mind was the picture of Veronica and Jughead kissing. That was all I could think about. And I decided to finally face facts, the thing that I've been running from so long. Jughead never love me and it was time to stop trying to convince myself that he could ever love someone like me, someone who was undeserving, someone who couldn't be loved. It's stupid for me to even think I could ever be loved. I mean for God's sake even my own father left me, not even my own father loves me, why would anyone else does?

I took out my phone and started texting him.

Jug, I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore, please don't come over again. It's over. We are over.

It hurt typing those words but I think we both knew very well that it was over the moment it started. It was never meant to be. Even if I were more than a toy to him, which was something close to impossible, I wouldn't be anymore than a fling.

Jughead's POV

I got home today knowing that I screwed up. I made out with Veronica as a dare. She has a crush on Archie, not me. I didn't see Betts at school after that. She probably saw it. But I'd get her to forgive me. I always do. I mean, I have to. She's the only one who really care about me besides Archie and Jellybean. My mom left me because of my father's abuse. But she didn't take me, instead she left me with my father and she went away with Jellybean, my sister, leaving me to be the punching bag of my father. I own no respect when I am at home. At least everyone worship me at school. I just can't lose that. And dating Betts would definitely cost me my title and my friends. I know that I am hurting her but they are just words. She knows that I love her and that's enough. Spending every night with her is the one thing that's keeping me sane, keeping me from breaking under my father's abuse.

I know that I am selfish. And I don't and I never will deserve her. I know that and she knows that. If I can just stop being me, and actually show more affection, hold her hands at school, tell everyone that I love her instead of being a coward. I try, believe me I try, but it's like something is just wrong with me that I can't do it, I can't open up to her and stop hurting her.

I sighed and felt my phone buzzing. It was Betts. I smiled and opened it. At least she is still texting me, right? 

Jug, I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore, please don't come over again. It's over. We are over.

I panicked. I felt like the world just stopped... moving. The phone slipped off my hand. And before I knew it, tears fell down on my face. I cried, for the first time since my mum took my sister and left me with my father.

My father was right. God made a mistake by putting me in the world. It's pathetic. I love her but I hurt her. I didn't want to lose my reputation so I lost the first person who ever truly love me, the first person who I love. I didn't fight for her like I should have. I didn't treat her like a princess, the way she deserves to be treated in. I closed my eyes and looked back. She always talked to me. I never really did. It's like all I did was to have sex with her. I never just took time to tell her about me, hug her when she looked upset, buy her food when she's hungry, cuddle and sleep with her when she's tired, or even spoil her. I never took her out on dates because I didn't want anyone to know about us. I never bought her enough roses, show her romantic gestures. 

God, I was the worst boyfriend ever.

I have to fight for her, even if it's for the last time. Just when I wanted to go and see Betty, my father walked in, smelling like alcohol. He threw me on the desk and started hitting me and shouting over and over again. Over the years, I have developed the skill not to hear anything he said to me. I don't really care anymore but today he was in a pretty bad mood. He was hitting me harder than usual. He was usually very careful about not hitting me in places where everyone can see but today was worse than ever, just like how am I feeling. I felt like I was going to die as he kept going on and on. But I felt like I deserved it. I deserved this, no wonder why my mum and sister left me behind. Because I'm just like him, hurting people that I love. Those words I said to Betty at school, does it affect her? Of course it does, who was I kidding, I was insulting her, yeah, I did tell her not to take them seriously but why wouldn't her? It took me five years to stop caring what my father said. I am really the worst thing that can happen to her. Surprised that it took her so long to break up with me, if not for me, she'd have a normal, good high school experience. Suddenly the pain stopped. He passed out drunk. I couldn't let Betty know about the abuse. I couldn't. So I guessed I can't see her like this. I guessed I can't even go to school for the rest of the week.