Syrup (19 Days of Christmas)

III

"Just. . .go away. Get lost."

He really said it. That sliver of courage was like an emergency rope thrown down to him from a rescue helicopter. And he caught it without deliberation, went dashing off to the sunset.

He Tian froze like a block of chiseled marble for a second before straightening up and mechanically grabbed his jacket from the bed. Mo Guanshan saw his clenched jaw as he stood up to go to the bathroom.

When he returned, face damp with cold droplets of water, He Tian had left. No trace of him except his scent that Mo Guanshan has become too accustomed with.

He sat down on his bed, elbows on both legs and palms pressed frustratingly on his face. He honestly does not know how to deal with that situation and obviously, he double fucked up. He acted like he wanted it but he kept on trying to deny ever admitting it like he's a huge moron. He has outmoroned himself back then.

Mo groaned, too loud but he couldn't care less. The neighbour would just assume he's squeezing out a giant Christmas turd.

"Ah, pathetic bitch."

His eyes began to water when he remembered how the kiss felt. It was so good he could cry. Unlike that time in school, whether he likes to admit it or not, that kiss tonight was a welcome phenomenon. Like a light dust of snow on a romantic Christmas scene. He Tian's kiss felt right more than all the wrongs he could think of.

He Tian's a guy. So what?

He Tian's a perfect guy. So what?

He Tian's richer than the president. So what? Who cares about that?!

He Tian's a thug. He's a spoiled brat. He's manipulative and he's the devil. An attractive devil that the mere thought of him gives him a boner.

So what?! So what?!

"So whaaaat?! Ahhhhh! Fuck, fuck!"

Mo Guanshan stood up and barged out the door screaming his head off. He's crazier.

Then he found him, smoking his usual cigarette, sitting by the sidewalk railing just outside his building. He Tian's eyes were clearly confused. He looked vulnerable for a moment. They stared at each other.

"I- uhm, why are you still here?" Mo asked, trying to avert his gaze and smile. It was painfully awkward.

"I don't want to go home tonight," He Tian answered. He seemed to have recovered and is trying to sound nonchalant.

Mo shivered. He's on his shirt and his arms are feeling numb from the cold. He Tian's eyes shifted to his feet. That's when he noticed he's barefoot. Such stupidity.

"Ah, ha-ha. I was gonna get sandwiches. . . Forgot to wear shoes. . ." Mo Guanshan sniffed. He's supposed to be faking his laughter but he's doing something else entirely. "Sucks to be this stupid--- I mean, I'm. . ."

It was as if He Tian was a superhuman being swooping down on him in a blink. Mo Guanshan lost it. He clutched He Tian's unzipped jacket with his head down and he felt his head being pulled and pressed gently on his chest.

"Let's get back inside," He Tian whispered. He walked urgently, an arm over Mo Guanshan's shoulder. It felt like a blur. As if they had teleported back to Mo's room and he's being pressed on his door, whining for more of He Tian on his mouth. The gentleness from before vanished and he could feel the real He Tian's savage force, penetrating and wreaking havoc in his already down defenses.

Their tongues and their groins rubbing on each other. He Tian's hardness doesn't feel frightening anymore. Even the bitter cigarette taste felt all right. Mo Guanshan squirmed to feel the pleasant sensation when their jeans rubbed together. As if thinking as one, they separated to catch their breath and take off their shirts. Mo Guanshan felt like shedding his clothes is like shedding all his doubts. He's ready to lose completely.