corporate affairs [Niall Horan AU]

T E N

Niall must be able to tell, because suddenly he takes my hand and pulls me in to his arms, and we step into that stupid awkward dance we do so well. There's no music, and we just laugh at how stupid and cheesy we are. Oddly enough, I feel complete and happy. I feel like everything's passing by slowly, like somehow Niall and I have been able to turn time to nothingness, and minutes, hours, seconds, days turn into the same thing: nothing. 

We dance for a while before collapsing onto wet, muddy ground, our knees pulled to our chests as we sputter off nonsense. "I'm obsessed with Breakfast at Tiffany's," I tell him against the rain, wiping my shivering lips against the back of my hand. "There's just something about old seaside European towns circa late '50s that makes me feel at home."

"I like playing board games beside fires and drinking tea until late. I like sitting out on big porches and watching the night change. Stargazing is the most romantic thing in the world, and rain is great for love making." He speaks with such a quiet calmness that I feel like every word is sweeping me away into a sea of distant improbabilities. 

"Have you ever made love?" I ask to the beat of the rainfall, my eyes set on a distant point in the horizon. For once, I don't blush. At the lack of response, I turn my eyes to his face in search of answer. 

"Elouise, not that it is any of your business, but I've slept with many girls."

"Can we just agree on something?" I ask, ignoring his blase answer with a question of my own. His eyes wordlessly express for me to continue. "Let's not put up any walls when we're here. Let's just be two people who are honest with each other." He stares at me for a while, raindrops collecting on his brow. 

"No, I've never made love to anyone." His answer sounds as hollow and empty as the wind that blows through the trees behind us.

"Not even....?" I trail off, indicating his lady-of-the-night lover. It's deeply personal, but he holds a kind of fascination for me that just sparks these questions on the tip of my tongue to ask themselves. 

"I've never loved a girl, Elouise. Remember the first day we met each other?" He asks hesitantly. I nod, and he continues. "Remember how we talked about the Great Gatsby?" I nod again. "I meant it when I said I thought he was weak. I never want to be weak. I'm never going to be weak. Never. So I'm never going to love anyone, not like that, for as long as I live." 

For some reason, his words deeply unsettle me, ensnare the pit of my stomach in a tight knot, cause my eyes to blur. Something in the defeat in his voice breaks me, and I feel like a helpless commoner watching a valiant king falling from his throne. I use the rain to hide my tears until a gentle, throbbing sob escapes my lungs and Niall's face whips towards mine. 

"Elouise? Why are you crying?" He doesn't even sound angry, which only makes it worse.

"That's the saddest thing I've ever heard," I choke, wiping my cheeks. Niall sighs heavily, then scoots closer to me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and rocking back and forth slowly.

"Not all of us can be strong like you, El. We can't all say goodbye when it's not working out anymore." 

"Well, it's not like it was easy!" I counter, sniffling. "Walking away from him ripped me to pieces, it still does." I lay my head against Niall's chest, wondering what it was like to never have faced heartbreak. I wonder what it's like to decide to deny yourself something fundamental, so fulfilling. It's quiet for a long time, and I distantly wonder what time it is outside of our little hilltop kingdom. Something changes in Niall and he pulls me into his lap, a look of determination on his face.

"Have you ever been kissed in the rain, Elouise Watson?" He asks, pushing a tangled strand of wet hair behind my ear. I shake my head no, my head cradled in the crook of his elbow. "Would you like to be?"