missing part

Part 4: i want to wake up from this nightmare

I crawl into bed before my heavy eyes close in on me. It may only be 3 in the afternoon but I'm exhausted. Mentally and physically.
I've turned my phone fully off as it kept blowing up with messages. I really don't have the energy for that now.
My work has called many times and spammed me with messages. These 40 year olds seriously can't wait for me to pick up the phone so they can finally fire me. I mean they probably have just assumed the worst, a 20 year old running out of work suddenly must have their minds exploring every "naughty" scenario. They never liked me so I wouldn't be suprised if they were excited that they finally have something to fire me for.
I snuggle into Noah's pillow smelling his sent. It makes me feel safe, like everything will be okay. I exhale, I miss him so much.

~~~~~a week later~~~~~
It's been a week and I've barley left the bed. I've gotten up occasionally for some food and appliances but It's mainly just been me, the bed and the tears. Everyday I miss him more and more. It's getting harder and harder to to deal with it, it feels like it's suffocating me.
Phone calls and texts have been the only thing keeping me awake, every time it 'Dings' I jump at it thinking it's Noah calling me telling me everything's alright and that's it's just a dream, that he's okay. But everytime it's not and it hurts. I just want to wake up from this nightmare.
The Beaumont's have Called me many times, sometimes even multiple times a day, but I never answer. I can't bring myself to.
As every call comes in my hand hits decline.
I don't need to put all my pain on someone's shoulders, I don't have the energy for it. I don't have the energy for another break down.
All I want is to be alone.

I haven't seen the light of day all week, my appartments just been silent, dark and sad.
I'm still in the clothes of the day I found out the news. I'm really just a mess.
The thoughts have been getting worse and worse each day, I try tell myself that these thoughts are wrong and I should try any of these things but they are just to strong. They get louder and louder each day.
I've lost all motivation and strength, I'm just alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My eyes fly open as the door to my apartment opens letting in much needed fresh air and light. My eyes squint hard to the sudden hit of light that my eyes have been missing for weeks.
I stay there lying in my bed not having the energy to check whose at the door. Honestly I wouldn't be bad if it was a burglar coming in to kill me, atleast I wouldn't have to live with the pain anymore, I would finally be with Noah again.

"oh dear"
"hunny hunny hunny, what have you done to yourself?!"

Many footsteps walk in as I make out who they are.
Shit.
Mrs Beaumont, mr Beaumont, Shaun, Sam, Ryan and Robbie.
What are they doing here.
I'm in no state right now to see anyone, I'm a mess!
I haven't showered in days and I'm sure I've left half eaten food that I couldn't manage to finish lying across the apartment. They could of atleast called and told me they were coming over, I would of come up with a excuse of something saying I'm out of town.
I don't have the energy to act like I'm ok and try be strong. I don't have any energy for anything then just lie here in bed.

"Darling we've been calling you all week! when was the last time you left the apartment- oh my gosh your still in the same clothing!" Mrs Beaumont looks like she's about to faint. She looks around the apartment with fear and worry washed across her face. I sigh as I roll over so I'm not facing them and burry myself in the doona.

"Chloe! Look I get it you lost your fiancé but remember we lost our son and there brother! just because he isn't here anymore doesn't mean your out of our family and that we don't care for you! Ryan told us about you in the driveway I just didn't understand you were dealing with this so hard! We tried calling you and texting you but you were so m.i.a that we had to take problems Into our own hands and come over to you. Sorry to just barge in but sweetheart we need to get you out of this house and into fresh air with preferably a change of clothes !" She says exactly like a mum, all worried.
I just huff in response and try close my eye lids. I'm exhausted.

"Sam and Shaun you open up all the curtains, Ryan and Robbie cook her some food I don't think she's had a solid meal all week and I'm going to try get her into the shower" she says bossing everyone into position as she pulls the doona that's been holding my tears all week off me leaving cold air bush against my skin.

"Really Mrs Beaumont I'm fine, I don't need any help" I quietly say as I kick myself inside of me... I could of made that sound way more believable that it came out as.

"Nonsense chloe, now common sweetie, we are all here to help you! Lets get you cleaned up so we go out!" She pulls me out of bed as I nearly collapse on the floor, I have no strength in my body to hold me up.

"Ryan some help here would be nice!!" Mrs Beaumont huffs trying to get me back on to my feet again. Ryan comes running up, grabbing my other arm to help stabilise me. They both give eachother looks of worry as they really see how bad of a state im in. Everything seems to be a blur as they both carry me to the bathroom.

"I'm ok I can undress and shower myself I'm not 3" I quietly say with no emotion. I feel so dead inside. I close the door and lock it as I take off the clothes I've been wearing for over a week. Disgusting I know but honestly with all that's going on I couldn't care less.
I slowly step into the shower and let the warm water wash over me.
I stand there for a few minutes before actually cleaning myself.
I hope out of the shower and try make myself look decent. I blow dry by hair and put some concealer under my eyes to try hide my sleep deprived face.
I think about putting mascara on but I know I will probably end up crying it off so there's no point.
I put on some baggy tracksuits and a crop top that's now way to big for me due to my sudden loss of weight.

"Is she going to be ok mum?" I hear Shaun worryingly say as I listen through the wall.

"She will be hunny, she's had a hard life so it's especially effecting her" Mrs Beaumont calmly reply's. I sigh at the thought of her knowing my past. Noah must of told her, it's just something I don't like being reminded of.

"We can take her back with us to the boys to try cheer her up, Brooklyn seems to have his ways" Ryan asks obviously trying to help.
I don't know why he's even here to be honest, I've only met him once and that was when I was screaming at my steering wheel last week. I don't know why he cares.
I don't know why anyone cares.

I take a breath in before opening the door. Everyone's heads turn to me as I walk out.

"We made you a meal chloe but rye burned it.." Robbie says accusingly as rye shoots him a glare. I lightly laugh in response.

"It's fine I'm not hungry anyways" I yawn as everyone looks me up and down in disbelief.

"Jeez thanks for the boost of confidence" i mumble as I attempt to hop back in bed.
My body is to exhausted from just the trip to the shower and back.

"We will just go out to a cafe or something. We need to get you out of the house darling" mr Beaumont kindly says.

"Guys I get it, your only here because I'm your dead sons fiancé. You don't need to act like you care I'm used to it, it's fine. Now please just let me sleep I'm exhausted" I snuggle into the doona and Noah's pillow as I let my eyes admit defeat and fall down.

"Why would you ever assume that!? Chloe we care for you no matter what, with and without Noah in the picture! Please just come out with us, we are all worried for you! Your not in a healthy state of mind"

"I don't have the energy I'm sorry" I helplessly reply.

"Chloe, we came here to talk to you about something, Noah's funeral...."

Oooooo cliff hanger 🤭
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-chloe ❤️