new perspective

xii. GET ME OUT OF MY MIND

i didn't hate this. it was a relaxing feeling, actually. i felt all my imperfections begin to leave, meaning nothing to me. nothing was really important, anymore. it was all calm. 

all my worries began to leave, and in this dark haze, i found darryl. we always found each other.

he smiled, walking closer to me. "it's nice, right?"

"what is?" i asked him, stepping closer. he shrugged, "wherever we are. it's obviously not earth. thank god." he laughed, "here is much nicer."

he scratched his cheek, black paint coming off of his hands. i reached forward, touching his cheek that he had touched. no paint rubbed off.

"what're you doing?" he wondered. 

"you had paint on your cheek." i notified him.

"oh, yeah." he said nonchalantly, "that's normal here. thinking things are what they aren't."

"what?" i felt like i kept on repeating the same things. it was because no one ever answered me. it was like my questioning just wasn't worth their worry. 

he didn't answer. i grew annoyed, "can someone tell me what the hell is going on!"

"one day, honey." he told me reassuringly, "one day this will all make sense, and you'll realize that you weren't that clueless after all."

i held back asking another "what?". i listened.

"one day, it'll be like all your worry, was worthless. why did you stress? why did you hurt yourself over something that was so little? why did that little thing occupy your life so much? why had that little thing ruined you? what happened to you?"

"i don't know." i told him, admitting the truth. i don't know what happened to me. i don't know what he had made of me.

"exactly. that little thing will be gone soon, trust me, honey. don't worry too much. stay positive. it'll all be okay."

"what are you talking about?" i asked again, trying to get the most out of him, "you're speaking gibberish to me."

"isn't that what i always did? speak things that never made sense?"

"no. you always made sense to me. everything you did made sense." i responded, "i don't— i'm losing my-"

"mind." he finished for me. "you're losing your mind."

"kit's not blue, important things never easily vanish, except really wasted aspiring supremacy. what does that mean, darryl. it has to make sense. everything does in one way or another."

"remember when you would compliment me all the time. you said you could read me. you read me by reading between the lines. you figured out things that weren't directly spoken to you. you had to figure it out yourself. write it down on a piece of paper. figure it out like a math problem."

"but i have been." i begged, "please, you need to tell me."

i'm losing my mind. i'm going crazy. this would've never happened if darryl never entered my life. 

"you're correct with the sentence structure."

"what do they mean." i asked again, stepping even closer. he looked at me, "don't waste your genius, zak. hello? hello?"

i breathed in a huge gasp of air, opening my eyes to another darryl's face. this darryl was normal. "hello!? oh my goodness, what just happened?"

i glanced around me, noticing we were parked at the park. 

"is the car okay?" i wondered, trying to get up. darryl was standing in the door frame, holding me close to him. 

"yes, of course the car is okay. are you okay?"

this was darryl. he was alive. i was alive. i could feel his beating heart on mine. 

the weights on my chest had been lifted, and i wrapped my arms around him, smiling, "i love you so much, oh my god."

we hadn't kissed, but i knew it was true. i knew i loved him. i loved him so much. 

darryl became stiff out of nervousness, backing up and looking at me. he smiled as well, kissing me on the cheek and saying, "i love you too."

i kissed his cheek, and his nose, and his other cheek. i loved him. i loved him so much. i kissed his forehead, i kissed anywhere that wasn't his lips. 

"i love you." i repeated, making sure the words were coming out of my lips. he kissed my forehead too, "i love you."

i loved him. i'd get through whatever i'm going through, with him. 

"i'll promise you," i started, "that whatever the hell happens, whatever life throws at you and i, that i'll be with you. it doesn't matter where, i'll be there in spirit. i'll always be there for you."

"okay," he nodded, kissing me on the cheek again, "same goes for me. i'll always be there to love you."

always.

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