Rainstorm

two

Tw: I don't think there's anything

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Jeremy is extremely bored.

His dad actually did as he said, and grounded Jeremy for 3 weeks after he got home from the hospital. Jeremy knows he deserves it; taking the squip was awful and he can't just get away with it. Still, 3 weeks has lasted a lifetime. And the few days left of his punishment will last just as long.

School keeps him occupied during the day. But school is an absolute nightmare. Jeremy is now classified as the kid who did ecstasy with the midsummer cast. He gets weird looks while walking down the halls. No one talks to him. No one sits by him. Not even Michael.

Yeah, the loneliness is the worst part of this whole situation for Jeremy. He hasn't talked to anyone but his dad since he got out of the hospital. And...well, he doesn't exactly want to talk to his dad out of boredom.

Jeremy doesn't feel like doing anything at the moment. It's rainy outside, so he can't go on a walk or anything. And technically, he's not even supposed to leave the house. Not that he'd be able to hang out with Michael or anything anyway. He wants to do something. But he doesn't feel up to anything.

He sighs to himself and lays back on his bed, scrolling through his phone. When he first got home, he found tons of notifications from people texting him. He checked all those out a long time ago. There's not even anything to do on his phone. He finds himself scrolling through random apps mindlessly. He opens the messaging app and scrolls down his contact list, one name making him pause.

Michael

Jeremy sighs and taps on his name. Their last messages were from the beginning of the squip incident.

Michael: bro where are you I got my crystal Pepsi but you're not heere
Michael: hey why have you been avoiding me
Michael: you wanna come over and play video games?
Michael: you know what, fuck you and your squip. I dont need you anyways. Asshole

Jeremy felt tears prick at his eyes, reading the messages. He's read them a million times before. Each time somehow gets worse, filling him with more regret. Regret for taking the squip. Regret for hurting him at the party. Regret for not apologizing at the school play.

He knows it's not just his fault. If Michael had listened to him in the first place, maybe he wouldn't have felt so alone. Maybe he wouldn't have felt the need to take the squip. But he threw Jeremy's problems aside and went on some rant about how they'll be cool in college.

Jeremy sighs. It was the fault of multiple people. Himself, his dad, Michael...Rich. But should he blame it on Rich? It was his squip talking, after all. It wasn't Rich's idea to tell him. Still...Rich decided to take his own squip. He's partially at fault, too.

"Why am I trying to pin the blame on others?" Jeremy mumbled to himself under his breath, getting angry at himself. "So stupid. I just don't want to accept that it's all my fault."

He looks back at the text messages. It's his fault. If he wants to try and repair his and Michael's friendship, he's gonna have to be the one to take action.

He shakily types out a message.

Jeremy: hey player 1. I see you every day at school and I regret taking that pill. I miss you. Can we talk maybe?

Jeremy cringes at the words he typed. "No. Nonono. That's- that's awful..." He deletes the whole thing and starts over.

Jeremy: michael, I'm so sorry, I really am. Can we please talk about this? I want to be friends again

...Ok. That's better. Right? He's not sure. Without a squip, he second guesses every action he makes even more. The squip scrutinized every little mistake, every wrong decision. Without it's guidance, he's not sure what exactly to do anymore. Not that he wants the squip back at all. Definitely not. It was just pretty helpful, with a lot of things.

Knowing he'll regret whatever decision he makes, he pushes the send button. No turning back now. Hopefully Michael responds...he can't deal with the loneliness and guilt much longer.

Once again bored, he finds his mind drifting to Rich Goranski. He seemed like a completely different person in the hospital, and it confused him. Was it all an act? Was it just the painkillers?

And that's another thing. Rich must've been sky high on painkillers when he first spoke to Jeremy. The biggest homophobe in the school, coming out to Jeremy? Not only did it contradict everything about the bully, it also could ruin his reputation if the information got out.

Jeremy is stumped as to why Rich would act like that, even in a doped-up state. Yes, his squip was gone. But did it really change him that drastically?

Whatever. It doesn't matter, he's probably making a big deal over something unimportant. Jeremy himself probably just wasn't thinking right either. He had just woke up with killer headache, after all.

He sighs and lays down again, head on the pillow. He listens to the gentle taps of the rain on the roof for a moment, feeling his eyes grow heavy. He unlocks his phone one last time and checks for a notification that Michael responded to his text. Seeing nothing, he lets the rain lull him to sleep.