spin the bottle// byler

iv (spin the bottle)

"oh." she says, tugging at the hem of her sweatshirt uncomfortably.

el is the only person here that i've ever come out to. the only other person is nancy. 

then, she turned to me, since she was sitting on the other side of me.

she asked, "are you okay, mike?" 

i nod and look at her nervously, subtly moving my eyes to will.

she smiles sadly at me and whispers, "i understand. it's okay, mike."

"i'll go first." max says, kneeling so she can spin the bottle.

she spins and it lands on dustin.

she looks at him, smiling, and says, "it doesn't mean anything." 

she leans over and quickly kisses him on the lips. 

they both close their eyes.

they pull away and dustin is staring wide-eyed at max. 

"you kissed me." he says shocked.

max settles back in her spot.

"yup, i did. and it didn't mean anything. go ahead, dustin. it's your turn." max says.

dustin spins and it lands on el.

dustin looks at el nervously. 

"is that okay?" he asks her, cheeks red.

she nods and waits for dustin to lean in. 

she glances at max while dustin moves closer to her.

"it doesn't mean anything." he whispers before connecting their lips. 

el closes her eyes and puts a hand on dustin's cheek while they kiss.

dustin pulls away, blushing.

el blushes, too, settling back into her spot while dustin does the same. 

"my turn?" she asks.

max nods.

el kneels so she can spin.

she spins and it lands on max.

is el going to kiss max, even though max is a girl?

i was wondering what would happen in this situation, if it landed on someone of the same gender.

"el?" max questioned, her cheeks matching her fiery hair. 

"it doesn't mean anything, right?" el repeats what she had heard dustin and max say before.

she leans in stopping right in front of max before connecting their lips. 

max whispers something to el that the rest of us can't hear. 

el quickly leans in the rest of the way.

as i'm watching, i can't help but notice that will looks like he is entirely in awe. 

weather it is at watching two girls kiss or simply watching them kiss like that.

max has her hands on el's waist, and el is slowly moving onto max's lap. 

i feel dirty watching it, but it's almost entrancing. 

their kiss is a lot different than the rest of the kisses so far, kind of passionate, kind of real. like if i didn't know them, i'd think they were in love, for real.

finally, el moves back, resting her forehead on max's, breathing heavily in her face.

dustin and lucas begin clapping as el is moving back into her place.

"oh shut up, losers." max dismisses them, still blushing.

suddenly, there's a knock at the door.

"sorry, guys, i'll be right back." i say and quickly excuse myself.

so far, i haven't had to kiss anyone, maybe when i get back this whole game will be over.

i run upstairs to the door.

i open it and smile as i see johnathan. 

"oh, hey, johnathan." i say, really hoping he doesn't need will to go home.

"hey, mike. nancy sent me back because she said she left her purse in her room." he explains.

"well, why didn't nancy come back to get it?" 

"listen, i don't make the rules. she says to do something, and i do it. she's back in the car." he says pointing out to his car.

i look out and wave at nancy, who looks like she is waiting impatiently.

"i'll be right back. i can let myself out, get back to your friends." johnathan smiles, making his way up the stairs to nancy's room."

i smile at johnathan before going back down to the rest of the party.

"sorry, guys, it was just johnathan. he said that nancy-" i stop mid-sentence, overwhelmed by that i saw.

max was kissing will. my will.

i couldn't help being absolutely overcome with jealousy.

i am paralyzed as i watch max's hands in will's hair, kissing him. 

i just want to scream or run away or cry.

i feel as a tear rolls down my cheek.

my chest aches and i can only explain this feeling as heartbreak.

max is will's first kiss. 

the thought makes me cry more and makes me a little sick. 

i was supposed to be his first kiss. 

it was supposed to be me.

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sorry, darlings!

a little bit of sad in this chapter. the next chapter is coming very soon. i'd hate to leave you all on a bad note. 

lots of love,

sava