A Different Ending

Coffee shots and heartache

I held my notebook and pen and started writing down what I saw in my previous dream. The thrill is still evident and the shaking is still present.
It's strange that I remember every part of my dreams when I wake up. It's even stranger how every one of those dreams feels so real, so deep, so emotional.
My mind started trailing back to the events I just witnessed in my dream.

I sat at a table near the window this time ready to watch him enter the coffee shop with his long strides. I held on to my coffee mug for dear life. My hands took all the heat and left the mug cold, and my coffee even colder.
I waited with anticipation, feeling the butterflies feeling return it's way to my stomach. I was honestly more excited this time to see him. I heard music play in the background, the sound more distant this time. The melody quieter, softer. And then I saw him walking down the street making his way towards the coffee shop, he was smiling and I felt my heartbeat go a little faster just looking at him. And then everything froze, there was a long pause as I saw him turn around and the hands of a girl that was trailing behind him slowly, shyly. I heard a bell ring and I realized that he made his way inside the shop. I turned around slowly as my eyes stayed glued at his face and then to his eyes that were shining today. He looked at me and then walked even faster. The next few minutes went by in a blur as I heard him introduce his fiancée to me.
" Emily, this is Rose my fiancée". I put on the best smile I could put on at that moment and shook the shy girl's hand. And then he started telling me how they met and how exited he was for me to meet Rose. But I just couldn't take it all so fast. The pause came back and I just sat there watching the couple and then my cold coffee mug that I realized I still had my hands glued to. I should wake up now if this is a dream please let this be another dream. I don't want to lose him yet this is so early.
I put my hands under the table and dug my nails in my hand trying to feel the pain, I tried to make myself cry everything now and forget about it when I wake up.

- please make it stop, you are hurting me Chris. I want to wake up now please. Let me wake up.

He couldn't tell I was fighting myself  and fighting him. I felt so hurt, so confused, so sorry. For myself, for Chris. For us.
Time went back and I saw him stare deep in my eyes as if to tell me he really cares.
' maybe you do Chris, just not enough'. I thought to myself as I stared back at him with hurt filling my eyes. Hurt that I tried not show. He put his hand out to me trying to hold mine only for him to realize that my hands were under the table. He waited for me to give my hand to him. But I felt that if I give him my hand at that moment he would also be holding my bleeding heart, my crying soul. I felt so vulnerable at that moment, so pathetic, so humiliated. I started chanting inside my head to wake up, to end this now. To end the torture .
I put my hand out for him after a while. He took it happily and gave it a squeeze.

- I'm really happy, you are here for me Emily.

Always I thought to myself

- it really means a lot to me that you get to know the girl that I chose to spend my lifetime with.

It's not me Chris, why is it not me.
I wanted to scream everything I felt at the second but I couldn't. I was so hurt, so broken.

- you've always been my best friend Emily. You've been here for me in times when my family wasn't. I love you.

There it is. The three words that feel like a knife to my shattered heart. ' you don't love me enough Chris'
I've gave you everything that is me and yet I'm not the girl by your side at the end of the day.

I gave him a small smile after his little speech I couldn't say the three words back to him that would break me in the spot and I would start sobbing non stop.

-  me too Chris.
So much that it hurts, so much that I can't breath, so much that I can't drink or eat without thinking about you, so much that it's killing me every day.

Of course I couldn't say all that to him, I was late. Too late to fix this, us.

His warm touch to my hand felt like I was being burned alive, the small circles he was running on the surface of my hand made me lose my mind. I took my hand away from his suddenly and got up.
I felt like I was on the verge of losing it, losing me.

- it was nice meeting you Rose, and it's been good seeing you aging Chris. I'm sorry but I've got to go. I will see you guys some other time ok?

I was looking anywhere but at his face. I just couldn't, I felt so weak.
Turning around quickly before the rainfall that is my tears start pouring downs. I took quick steps towards the exits but stopped shortly when I heard my name leave his lips in a shout. I turned around  slowly to face him.
He rand towards me and the next thing I know I was in his hands hugging him for dear life. His grip on me tight, he kept me Locked in his arms for a while. I was to close to his neck, to his smell, to him. I could feel his heartbeat. His hands on my waist, his whisper in my ear
" I love you"
And then I cried on his shoulders, all while he held on to me weak body. Whole wrenching sobs got out of me uncontrollably. I felt like I was drowning myself in my own sorrow and depression.
I was even more confused  now, why love me and go to some other woman.

- then why Chris, why do this to me, why hurt me, why break my heart, why me???

And the minute he was about to answer me I woke up, still feeling the tears stinging my eyes. I let my hand reach my face to find it wet with tears, fresh hot tears. My chest was hurting me. I laid back down and wiped at my tears. I was fine, everything is fine. Rose doesn't exist, and Chris is still here for me. And there is no other woman in his life for now but me.
The sun is out and I'm ok, everything is ok now. None of that was real.

*************
Authors note:
Hey you guys, what I need to let you know is that every chapter is different, the story changes but the names of the characters are the same through the whole book.
Hope you enjoyed the first chapter let me know your thoughts about it.
Have a great day.