Weasley Family Fallout

Chapter 31: Shut Down

When Arthur entered his flat, he was relieved George cleaned up earlier that day. The coffee table was repaired, letters sitting neatly on top. The mess and broken glass cleaned up. All Old Ogden's bottles and takeaway containers had been vanished by Ginny that Friday evening. The only alcohol in the place was the little bit left in his flask, which had been stowed in the back of a high cabinet.

Immediately, Arthur went into the bathroom. Even though he had just showered several hours earlier, he felt absolutely filthy. He stripped and tossed his clothes into a corner. The water was almost scalding hot when he stepped in.

Instead of reaching for the soap, he rested his forehead against the tile. The water soaked his hair and beard before running down the rest of his body. Tears soon mingled with the hot water. His body wracked with sobs. How could he have been so selfish and uncaring? How could he let things spiral so far out of control?

He couldn't remember the last time he cried like that. It had to have been when they brought Fred into the Great Hall.

Eventually, he took several deep breaths. Eyes closed, he lifted his face toward the showerhead and let the water run down his face. He wasn't sure how long he had been in there already, but he didn't much care. There was nowhere he needed to be. No one was waiting on him.

No matter how much he scrubbed or how much soap he used, he still felt disgusting. He only got out of the shower when cold water forced him to.

After he dried off, he dug out his pajama bottoms from somewhere in the chest of drawers. Since some time when Ginny and Harry were living with him, he had taken to sleeping in his clothes on the couch every night.

Once he slipped into them and tied the drawstring to keep them from falling down, he went back into the bathroom to brush his teeth. The mirror had defogged. A glint from his necklace caught his eye.in the reflection. This drew his attention to his scarred, pale chest. He brushed the marks the snake had left with his fingertips. He thought how everyone else would be better off if the Order hadn't reached him in time. If he had known how badly everything would go, how he would hurt everyone he cared about, how alone he would be, he wouldn't have prayed so hard that night in the Department of Mysteries.

He tore his gaze from the scars. A blue-eyed stranger stared back at him in the mirror. For the first time in a long time, he actually looked at himself, but no matter how hard he looked, he couldn't recognize himself. He wondered how no one had mentioned the change in his appearance. Perhaps, they didn't even notice. Dark circles under his eyes revealed how little he slept. The big, bright, sky-blue eyes that once gleamed and glinted had become sunken, bloodshot, dull, and empty. His face was red and blotchy with more wrinkles than he remembered. He absolutely loathed the beard. It made him appear years older – Or maybe that was just how he looked those days. Either way, the beard served its purpose even though his weight-loss could be seen in other areas. He came to the conclusion that people had to have noticed. They must have been too polite to say anything.

Having forgotten what he had gone back into the bathroom for, Arthur grabbed his watch off of the sink. He set it on the bedside table before crawling into bed. It wasn't late yet, but he was exhausted and saw no point in doing anything else.

He pulled the duvet up over his shoulders and clutched the Knut at the end of his necklace.

oOoOo

At the Burrow the next day, Conner came over for lunch. The night before, everything was too fresh and Molly was too exhausted to have any sort of deep discussion. Since Hermione was back at Hogwarts and Ron was at Auror training, this was the most opportune time for the two to talk.