Her messy but beautiful life

Chapter 1

I was strolling all alone inside my apartment near Central Park,feeling like everything was wrong with me and my life. The complete mess it is...all the people I know and I love who don't care for me...and all those ideas inside my head are making me think about going away, leaving everything and starting a new life,as far as I can from mine here.
Trust me, I love my city but it mirrors how I feel and that's the only thing that shouldn't happen to me. I have family and friends but... you know, they're way too busy with their own struggles and they don't really care for me and how I feel.
The lights,the cars,everything is too much for me...
I only need to find a place where to be completely peaceful and,like 2 weeks ago, I thought I had found it but I wasn't.
There were this bar, "jimmy's corner" on the 44th, that seemed exactly the place I was looking for. It's so cozy and familiar but I didn't feel well there... so many people in it and none really looking to understand the others... people flirting but not caring for what the others did and why they were there , if they wanted to talk about their problems or issues...
I started to think about the only other way to make people aware of my existence and to care for me,to end my life.
This was,for me at the moment,the only solution to the issues of my life... but ,as I was going to understand later on, it wasn't. It would have only shown to me and the whole world a part of myself I didn't know I had and that completely changed my life.
But I'll talk about it later on... now, let's make some steps behind: my life.
As I told before, it was a complete mess.. but why?
My life was a mess since the very beginning.
I'm the only child of a very wealthy newyorkese family and I grew up together with the sons and daughters of wall street people and of famous politicians... we were friends,at least I thought we were, but I didn't feel a real connection with them so I grew up with no friends at all,mainly. I was educated in the most amazing schools of the country but with no success at finding friends. At 18, when I went to college, my life went even worse and it was due to my dad. I hate him for what he did to me but that's not important right now.

That day,on my 22nd birthday, I felt like my life had no sense at all...
My friends were supposed to come at my place and party together but nobody came. Only my bestie ,whose name's Allie, who I knew at college and was the daughter of a fireman, wanted to come but she was out of town with her boyfriend and shouldn't... I was so sad but okay with it. I felt super lonely and made the best decision of my life,I thought at the time.
I went on the rooftop of my apartment's building and took a step into the void... under my foot there was nothing but the air and a huge "jump" of like 30 meters between me and the sidewalk. You know, I was supposed to be scared and/or to think again about my decision and decide not to do it... but I was super sure of it and so I was feeling in the best way in like ages while jumping from the roof to end my life.
During the fall, I thought about my whole life and was sure I had made the best decision ever. In my apartment, I had left a letter for my bestie Allie to read once she was back in town ... I was super sure she were able to understand my reasons and she would have been the only person to miss me.
I was ready for the impact to arrive but it didn't come...
I crushed the sidewalk but I didn't feel anything... I only found myself completely alive and with no problems at all sat on the sidewalk.
"What the hell has happened?" I asked myself... "why am I not dead? Why I'm alive?"
With all this questions inside my head I had to think quickly... "what to do now? "
"I can't come back to my apartment as there's a farewell letter to Allie in it."
"I can't go anywhere else in town because many drivers and walkers have seen me jumping from the rooftop"
"I can't go to my supposed friends or to my family because none of them cares for me"
"The only thing I can do is to go away from New York and start a new life miles and miles away from home"
If I were alive,there would have been a reason! I didn't know which one at the time but I was sure there was one....