Poems

can i see me?

unaware of my power, you had me lost
conflicted with all my feelings.
I️ was sprung.
i knew you forward and back.
your favorite color.
your mother's maiden name.
even your biggest fear.
you said it was losing me.
but how?

was it fear of my lack of presence?
was it fear of my independence?
was it fear of my self discovery?
i knew i would never seperate from you
but you swore you knew me.
you claimed that you had me down.
but you truly knew my patterns,
you knew how easy it was to break me.
how easily i could be deterred from my dreams, for you.

i put my all into what we had and you expected so much more
at 18 years old i couldn't feel you sucking the life out of me
until i had to get the life sucked out of me
prayer couldn't even keep my mind off you.
my mother said, she couldn't see the glimmer in my eyes,
you had blew my lights out.
in more ways than one.

when i looked in the mirror i couldn't see myself fading.
i couldn't see myself wading away.
jhene aiko songs, were the melody of my life
after i encountered you i could no longer hear the words of bed peace in my head
because i could lay in my bed and still not find the peace they were singing about

you broke me down to my most common denominator.
i couldn't tell you how much i was worth.
the pain you inflicted on me, didn't break me.
it was more the promises

to never leave me in the dark,
when i couldn't even see that you were the darkness itself.
promises to keep me smiling,
when you knew i couldn't decipher the difference between a smile and a frown

i was your battle field, and you mad war of me
i searched for answers in the depths of my thoughts.
and the only thing that floods my mind
is the realization that i haven't seen my true happiness since graduation day.

my heart hasn't fluttered in years.
my mind hasn't be clear for just as long.
but my tears run deep and true.
the continuous pain i went through has become my identity.

your presence has become an everlasting cloud of unhappiness.
can i even see myself anymore?