Weirder Things (Male OC X Wendy Corduroy)

Irrational History

Patrick said, "I don't."

He, the twins and Stan got out of the car, and the three kids started walking around. Looking around in wonder at the old fashioned-looking Main Street.

"Man. Look at the town," said Dipper, before the three stopped. He held up a postcard up for a second, showing the modern-day version of Gravity Falls with color. When he lowered it, they were looking at the town as if it was a sepia shade, but that was just due to a pane of dirty glass being carried by two workers.

"Dirty glass," said one worker, holding one end of the pane of dirty glass. They walked by and the town's colors were restored. "We got dirty glass! Dirty glass."

"It's like we went back in time," Patrick commented.

"It's much worse than that," Stan grumbled as he walked up behind them. "It's Pioneer Day. Every year these yahoos dress up like idiots to celebrate the day Gravity Falls was founded."

"Welcome to 1863!" Toby Determined walked over to them, dressed like a news pa, and held out a newspaper that he grabbed from his bag of newspapers.

"I will break you, little man!" Stan held up a fist, threatening to punch the man. That was enough to scare the ugly man and send him running for the hills. Only to crash into a barrel.

"Wow! Look! Candle dipping!" Mabel exclaimed happily, pointing to some women candle-dripping the old-fashion way.

"Whoa, gold panning!" Dipper pointed to people doing the very activity. Old Man McGucket, who is also gold panning, can be heard saying "Gold!"

Patrick's attention was then caught by a wedding that was going. "Hey, look! A wedding!" but his joy was turned into confusion when a man had a woodpecker on his arm.

"I now pronounce you man and wife," the priest said to the man and...woodpecker?!

The woodpecker pecked her husband's hand, and then the man proclaimed, "I do!"

Patrick deadpanned, as the twins starred with him. "What the fuck? Is that even allowed!?"

"Oh yeah. I remember this," said Dipper before pulling out Journal 3. He flipped through the pages before stopping at a specific page. "In Gravity Falls it used to be legal to marry woodpeckers."

The woodpecker guy heard them and walked over. "Oh, it's still legal," he told them. He then looked at his new wife and placed a hand on his shoulder, where the woodpecker was perched. "Very legal."

He walked away as Patrick's tired eyes stared in disbelief. "WHAT MORON WOULD MAKE THAT LEGAL!?" He yelled loudly, before an announcer spoke.

"Come one and all for the opening ceremonies!" The announcer said.

The twins already wanted to go, so they looked at Patrick. He looked at them and saw them wordlessly asking if he wanted to go and see. Who knows, it could be fun. "Hey, Stan, you coming," he asked, prompting the kids to smile. Now knowing that he wanted to go.

"No, thank you!" Stan denied with a stretched-out hand. "Just remember if you come back to the Shack talking like these people, you're dead to me."

Dipper decided to test him on his word. He closed one eye and started talking like a pioneer. "There's a carpetbagger in the turnip cellar!"

"Well hornswabber my haversack!" Mabel mimicked what Dipper was doing.

Patrick chuckled and joined in on the action. It's moments like this that he's more than happy to have them as his cousins. "Then let's get our rawhides on over," he said in a cowboy-like voice, while standing like one with his hands on his hips and his thumbs in his pants, pretending that he was holding a belt.