Chapters

Chapter 1

Time check, it's 11:50pm. The only light was my laptop across my bed on top of my study table. Then theres the heavy rain with thunder and lightning from time to time, hiding the sound of my painful cry. Making sure to cover my mouth to not disturb my sleeping flatmate from the other room who's sleeping peacefully.

I'm having a panick attack but ofcourse I didn't know this. I can't do it anymore, I'm in so much pain not physically but emotionally. My heart is in so much pain I dont know where or how. All I know is that I'm in pain. All I could do is cry my eyes out, realising how useless of a human being I am. How did I managed to not start my thesis and the deadline is tonight 11.59pm. It only has the title, nothing else, even my name was not in it! How stupid and incompetent could I get? "You're just so stupid and useless, a huge disgrace. All you do is give problems to the people around you and dissappoint them over and over again. They're better off without you, atleast when you're gone their wont be any problems for them!" Those words were the only things running in my mind, I'm so helpless and I don't know what to do! I'm struggling to breath because of how much I'm crying.

But in the end I had the tiniest strength to call my mom. "It is quite late, surely they're asleep. They still have work tomorrow and they tend to sleep around 9" there's not much hope really but all I know at that time is I need help. For some miracle reason my mom picked up. I never cry well not infront of other people. I also never cried this much where all I could do was cry and not be able to speak one word. I could tell my mom was worried, I tried to speak and all I said was "ma I can't do this anymore" and continued to cry. She calmed me down and I inhaled and exhaled heavily trying to calm myself down.

Atlast I managed to say some words explaining what was happening. I havent started my thesis and its due tonight. I dont know why I havent started it. Sure I procastinate alot but never in my entire university life I missed a deadline. I haven't really been going to my classes my friends are becoming frustrated because I always cancel my plans with them. Heck I can't even take care of myself. If I managed to get up and get ready, instead of leaving my apartment I stay in bed instead and missed another day and just lay there and do nothing and cry wondering what's this pain as I feel so empty and nothing. All I managed to say was "I can't do it anymore" . I was scared not knowing what will be their respond to that 5 words. But my mom said "it's ok come home it's worth it if you feel that way. Come home to us just pack everything and come home" with my mothers comforting words I started crying once again thinking I don't deserve them. They're too good for me yet all I do is give them grief and dissappointment.

"Hoy MiMi ano ba gising na!!!! Anong oras na oh!!! Susumbong kita sa mama mo sige ka" I woke up from my daydreaming. A loud knocked from my door startled me. "Gosh how long has it been ti'll that night? A year? Has it been a year? Yeah or more."  I got up and drunk some water then quickly opened my door. I saw my weird ass cousin bout to open her mouth before she could even speak I shove a peace of bread that I was actually eating before while daydreaming, reminiscing that painful night. Time check 11:50 am "Good morning" I smiled at her and walked off.