Loud Like Love

Chapter Seventeen: Battle for the Sun

He must have drifted off to sleep anyway, because the next thing he knew, it was light out and Mellie was up and getting dressed.

'Morning,' he said, yawning.

'Morning. How late did you get in last night?'

'Not very late . . . An hour or so after you, maybe?'

'Hm . . .' She pursed her lips. 'Listen. I'm saying this because I care about both you and Nick, okay? If, hypothetically, something happened between you two, just . . . don't play with his feelings, okay? And don't play with your own, either.' She headed towards the door. 'See you at breakfast.'

* * *

Despite what had happened, the train journey back wasn't particularly awkward. Nick found that, though the conversation didn't flow quite as easily as it had on their journey up the day before, he and Dave could speak normally, and they didn't mention the previous night. That didn't mean Nick wasn't thinking about it. His thoughts flitted back to last night whenever there was a moment of silence, so he tried to fill the silence as best he could.

When they were on the bus from Birmingham to Sapswell, however, Nick had run out of things to say, and in the end Dave spoke. 'So . . . about what happened.'

'It's okay,' said Nick. 'We don't have to talk about it. It happened. I know it was a one time thing, so let's not muddy the waters more than we already have, all right?'

Dave's expression was unreadable. Once upon a time, Nick had almost always known what he was thinking, but now he had no idea what lay behind those blue eyes of his. 'But,' said Dave, 'say, hypothetically, that something like that were to happen again—'

'Dave, stop.' Nick stared at his hands, resolutely refusing to meet Dave's gaze. He didn't want to talk about it. Didn't want to think about it, because it hurt too much. 'Don't be like this. It happened, and it won't again. So. That's that.'

Dave nodded. 'Okay. I'm sorry.'

They passed the remainder of the journey in silence.

* * *

It was beyond difficult for Dave to function during his lessons on Monday. His head was in utter turmoil. It should never have happened, and he wanted it to happen again. He wished he could erase the past year, make everything like it was.

Mandira could obviously tell something was wrong, and when they left Chemistry to go to lunch, she said, 'Are you okay? Did . . . Did something happen this weekend?' She knew he'd been to Manchester, and knew Nick had been there too. Dave couldn't lie to her.

'Yeah.' He exhaled slowly.

'Did things get awkward?' she asked.

'No, it was fine, actually. Nick was just happy to be there, to be going to the concert, and we talked normally. Everything was fine. But then . . .' Dave shook his head. 'During the concert he was just . . . He was the Nick I remember. And I kissed him. And then when we got back, we . . . Well.'

Mandira gaped at him, wide-eyed. 'So you—' She cut herself off and frowned. 'Does this mean you're back together?'

Dave shook his head. 'No. We . . . agreed it was a one time thing, I guess? I don't know, everything just feels really confusing right now. I mean, I still love him, and I know he still loves me, and I don't know how to deal with this.' He sighed. 'I want it to happen again, and I know it can't, and I just, I don't know what I want. And I don't know what he wants either. We were just starting to become friends again, and now I feel like I've cocked it all up.'