Back to You

I like it like this

Monse's POV

The past few days have been amazing between spending time with Cesar and reading stories from my students about their holiday. It's a Saturday and I have no clue what to do with myself. Before I can decide what to do there's banging on my front door.

I look outside and see Jasmine holding up a box of pizza. As soon as I open the door she heads to my room. This seems like it will be a long conversation so I grab a bottle of wine before heading back to my room.

"So what brings you here today Jas?" I ask walking into the room.

"Just here to check in with my girl," she grins from my bed.

"I'm good, life is good now. My dad is coming home in a few days and the kids at school found their manners over the holidays," I smile thinking about the other good things.

"You and Cesar getting back together has made you so chill. That's so cute!" Jas gushes.

"Uh what are you talking about? We're just friends," I try to be nonchalant.

"So explain his hickeys that looked pretty fresh this morning," she crosses her arms.

"Maybe he has a new girl," I try to deflect.

"So how about yours?" She points to my neck.

"Dammit I told Cesar not to leave a mark," I groan.

"Since when do friends give each other hickeys? Why lie to me Mon?" Jas looks disappointed.

"Honestly we don't have any titles, he's asked me to get back together a couple of times but none since we uh, you know," I feel the heat rising in my cheeks.

"Mon, we all know this isn't the first time. Why don't you just ask him about it?" She continues her interrogation.

"I like where we are now and he hasn't brought it up," I shrug.

"Mon what are you afraid of?" Jas sighs.

What am I afraid of? We make more sense now than we did any times before. Do we?

"I really don't know, he's coming by tonight so maybe it will come up then. Enough about me, tell me what you have been up to," I manage to change the subject.

"Girl what haven't I been up to," she laughs.

We spend the rest of the afternoon hanging out before she heads to Ruby's.

I hear knocking on my window and I guess I must have fallen asleep. I look over and realise it's Cesar so I let him in.

"Hey Ces," I smile at him but he just walks past, puts something on my desk and sits at the edge of my bed.

I climb onto the bed and kneel behind him. I kiss his neck and he pulls away.

"Is something wrong?" I sighed rubbing his back.

"What are we Monse?" he questions.

"Uhh," I hesitate.

"What are we?" He asks again.

"I don't know, it just hasn't come up since we started hooking up again," I shrug and turn to face him.

"What do you want us to be Mon?" He asks clearly frustrated.

"I like how we are now," I shrug.

"Mon I don't want to go back to the casual thing, I'm not 14 and horny. I want to be with you, love you everyday not sometimes when you're emotional. I know it will hurt to let you go again but it hurts not knowing my standing with you after so long. What's so wrong with being my girlfriend?" He quizzes.

"I love you Cesar, isn't that enough?" I plead.

"Do you really want this or is it just the idea of me that you love?" He presses as he runs his hand through his hair . I love him and being with him so much. I just don't know what I want or need right now. Why do we have to define this?

"I-I," I freeze until I see him grabbing his keys and heading to the door. I follow him still unable to find the words.

"You obviously need time and I'll give you that. Let's take a break from whatever this is. There's some orange chicken on your desk, I know it's your favourite ," he turns to give me one last look before leaving.

"Dammit Monse get it together," I sigh.