Habits

Leaving It All Behind

Nellie closed her eyes at the sound of the door opening and closing.  When she opened her eyes Sweeney was gone.

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Sweeney rushed down the road ignoring the cold whipping his face.  It couldn't be true.  She wasn't Lucy.  She couldn't be.  The wind was harsh.  It howled loudly warning him to turn back but he refused.  He just needed to know, one look, just so he knew.

He broke into a sprint needing to know the truth. As he ran his breathing quickened.  Suddenly everything around him went silent. The wind stopped, nothing moved.  And then it started.  Soft crying. It started quietly but as Sweeney continued forward it grew louder.  It was the crying of a child.

Sweeney knew what lay beyond the shadows of the alleyway ahead of him.  He knew what he would see. He just didn't want to believe it.

No, she's not dead. She can't be. This isn't your fault, its Eleanore's.  You can't blame yourself for her mistakes.

He dared to look. Lucy. The child tight in her arms crying loudly.  He bent down next to her and placed a hand on her arm, it was ice cold.  Sure enough she was dead.

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It was still dark when Nellie awoke again.  Soft singing sounded through the open door and she stood wanting to know who it was.  She followed the sound to an empty room.  She could see the outline of Sweeney standing in front of the window.  His singing was quiet but she remembered the song. Something he would hum to himself whenever he was stressed.

"There was a barber and his wife and she was beautiful. A foolish barber and his wife, she was his reason and his life and she was beautiful. And she was virtuous, and he was naïve."  Nellie was about to approach him but he turned, still not seeing her. She then saw he was holding a child.

"But then another woman came, and she was beautiful. A girl he treated like a slave. One that he kicked and pushed away. And she was beautiful. And now he's stuck inside his mind, wishing to leave everything behind."

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"Sweeney!" Nellie cried out, only to be interrupted.

"No, Eleanore she's dead because of you. Maybe someday I can forgive you but right now I need space.  I need this. You want me to be a good man but keeping me trapped won't help. I love you but I just need time." Sweeney walked out the door but turned just to say one word, "Goodbye."

The door closed and Eleanore fell to the ground.  Tears flowed down her face.  He was gone, he'd actually left her.  The pain she felt was unbearable. Why did the lie to him? No. Its not your fault. He can't handle leaving you alone, he said it himself, he loves you.  He'll be back, won't he?

James sat in front of the fire taking a small sip of the gin he held. Just about to close his eyes and enjoy a small nap the sound of knocking echoed through the house.  He stood and walked over to the door dragging his feet tiredly.  Pulling open the door he was surprised to see Sweeney in front of him. He was even more surprised to see the child he held in his arms.

"Sorry," James said, realizing Sweeney was wanting to enter the house, "Come on in."

His son hurried in and immediately turned to the living room hushing the child who was crying in his arms.

"May I ask what's going on?" James said following Sweeney.

"Lucy. She's dead. Its Eleanore's fault. I need to leave." Sweeney rushed his eyes full of panic.